


Objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear

by Saiphl



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Child Neglect, F/F, Fluff, Other, Smut, Throuple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-07-04 00:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 42,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15830439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saiphl/pseuds/Saiphl
Summary: What if you left home a long time ago?What if you were sad and heart broken?What if you had to learn to be you far away?What if you come back home and the old stories finally reach an end, and a new life begins?





	1. Prelude - Life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, this is a new project that came from my newly found attachment to both Aquameron and Crameron, so I’m trying to get them into a throuple, and hoping that’s good enough for you to find it interesting.
> 
> You know we, the writers crave to know what you think and feedback from the things we share with you, so feel free to leave your comments.
> 
> This work is also being updated on Artificial Queens.

**Life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. - Prelude**

_ The skies were pure and the fields were green, _

_ And the sun was brighter than it's ever been _

It’s been a long time since I last came back to my mothers’ house. Being totally honest, I’ve never thought of Cheyenne as home. I always knew there was a world outside, and damn me if I didn’t go there. Let’s start from the beginning, my name is Aquaria, I’m 26 years old, and I live in New York City. The fact that I’m driving from Jerry Olson Field to the eccentric grey house in Pawnee and Prairie Hills, is because I can’t say no to my dear little sister, Nebraska. Mom and Momma kindly offered to pick me up at the airport, but I’d rather drive, I rarely get to in the city. One of the things about being an adult is that you get stuck in your routines. I’m always up before the sun, alarm or not, and I’m only an actual person after my second cup of coffee.

Even though I grew up here, all these streets are as foreign to me now as they are familiar. My instinct to leave this town as soon as I’m able, it’s back now that I am going through these streets that are still half asleep, with closed businesses and empty sidewalks, I can’t avoid looking at the drive thru Starbucks where I’d spent most of my teens. The same table in the corner, by the window, seems to call to me, half inviting, half upset with me for leaving. I go through the familiar drive thru, where a sleepy young girl smiles at me when she hands my oh-so craved double trento freshly brewed and I sigh… That’s the same table where everything started, and ended, and comes back now to bite me. I shiver and start to drive again while barely muttering thank you to the girl, whose big green eyes follow me, wide open in confusion.

Not even thinking, I go down Western Hills and then into Pawnee… I’m not aware of the route that I’ve taken until I see it, the brown house in the corner, straight in front of my childhood home. The house where the source of all my headaches -both, good and bad- grew up, and then left. Just like I did. Brianna Cracker, the only person who can still make my knees go weak and get my mouth dry… but if someone asked, I’d deny it ‘til the day I die. I slow my pace, I have to, and not because I want to know if there’s anyone still there, but because if I don’t, I’ll probably hit Mom’s car and break the whole garage door. When I turn, Bob is there, with her wide smile contrasting the dark tone of her skin, she’s wearing pajama bottoms and a ragged t-shirt with a half faded teddy bear: she looks almost the same, a little more tired, a little less young, and I can’t help smiling at her when she recognizes me while I park my rental car in my mothers’ driveway.

Bob picks her dog up and runs over to me, when she reaches me, I’m getting my luggage from the back seat. She wraps me in a tight bear hug, the kind of hugs that someone who loves you and is happy to see you gives. The kind of hug that makes you fight back tears of joy and longing. She takes her time looking at me, saying she’s happy to see me, and that she hopes I can go and greet Shane later, when he wakes up. I tell her that I will, and then she leaves, I can hear her yelling to her husband about having me back, while I go into my house, the front door closing behind me.

Momma and Nebraska are already up, the resemblance between them is uncanny, long limbs, fair skin and way too long blonde bleached hair. Nebraska has her back to me, while chatting with Momma, who’s cooking pancakes for breakfast. It’s just the same way she used to when we were her two little girls, and still needed help to reach the stools of the kitchen. I make a joke that makes Momma jump and turn to face me, just for a wide smile to spread across her face. I go up to her, and we hug really tight. I haven’t seen my mothers since the holidays, and Nebraska, I haven’t seen her for more than a year. She joins us in less than a second, and the three of us are somewhere between laughing and crying as we hold each other tight.   
  


_ It was always summer and the future called _

_ We were ready for adventures and we wanted them all _

I wake up to the sound of my mother yelling… okay, in this house that’s nothing new, in fact, I was used to living with loud voices, grunts, and the sound of a violin all competing to be the loudest thing in the house. Being the youngest sibling, it meant a lifetime of neverending noise. Even though I’m not used to this kind of awakening anymore, I can’t deny that I’m happy to spend a little time back at home, with my family. I’m always bitching about them being loud, but the thing is, sometimes home feels so alone without a little noise. I guess I just got a bit homesick while the vacation approached, or maybe it’s just this is the place where I still feel safest, even though this was the place locked me away for so long.

Things here have changed, like the old convenience store a block from the high school being turned into a 7-11, or mom finally leaving behind that old habit of always having her nails pink. Now they’re always in bright red polish. Even though she and dad can make enough noise by themselves, the house feels a little emptier without Monique and Monet’s banter and Jamin playing his odd experimental music to get the inspiration to paint. Their rooms are still the same, but now the beds are tidy and there are space enough to make it clear that their former inhabitants had been gone for far too long. Being the youngest, and last, single child is never easy when you’ve been to your siblings’ weddings, and knowing for sure that three blocks away, one of your sisters is giving birth to her firstborn anytime now.

I’m starting to actually enjoy my dad’s morning Brahms execution, when it’s abruptly interrupted by my mom’s legendary high deep voice, saying to my ever amazed dad that she just met Aquaria when she was taking Lester on his morning walk. The simple mention of that name makes me shiver. I’d be lying to myself if I said that I never think of her, because she regularly comes and goes from my mind. Sometimes in those great memories of the good old times, sometimes to remind me that she left, not even intending to look back. Those times are the worst, because I can’t help crying myself to sleep. Aquaria… Aquaria Needles, my blessing, my doom, and the biggest part of my fucked-upness, the person who made me leave Cheyenne, unable to keep my promise of not coming back.

The vibration of my phone snaps me back to the moment. I jump out of the bed, while I read the text, managing to twist my ankle and fall while screaming, “Mom! Dad! It’s time! Monique will be a mom, today!” I finally get back to my feet and pull on the first outfit I can grab from my luggage, and a couple of minutes later, Lester, the violin, and two cups of fresh brewed coffee are left behind as we all pile into my dad’s car. Mom laughs hard when she sees my trashy look, a messy bun on top of my head, baggy jeans, and a way oversized hoodie that actually doesn’t match, my old vans and the phone in my right hand; I look like a mess. Dad urges us to get in the car and we both do, she teases me for the fact that she hasn’t seen me not wearing makeup since I was fourteen. Dad fixes his now greying dreads and buckles his seatbelt, we’re on the road after a second.

Being in my father’s back seat makes me feel like a child, when they used to take the four of us to some local ride or camping. When I see the grey house in front of ours, I see them there: Aquaria and Nebraska, sitting on the porch. Nebraska is sitting on the floor, legs crossed and still wearing a robe and pajama bottoms. Her blonde hair falling flat down her back, and she’s looking fondly to her sister Aquaria. Of course, Aquaria is in her full glory, sat on a rocking chair, barefoot, wearing jeans and a crop top, her hair braided, and no makeup at all. She’s sipping a trento and makes a face. It might be cold, and Lord knows how she hates cold coffee in the mornings. I pretend that I’m not looking at them, but for a single second she stares straight at me, her smile fading. Then dad hits the gas, and we’re gone in a blink.

_ But I can still recall the sting of all the tears when he was gone _

_ They said he crashed and burned, I know I'll never learn _

And here I am, eight years, two months, one week, and six hours later, hands sweating and feeling tense as a violin string. The last time I saw these streets, I was heading to the hospital, my dad severely ill and about to die; I remember that day clearly, a grey day, way too cold for the end of the summer. Morgan holding me tight and whispering to give me some strength, and my dear aunt Chad stoically keeping her own sorrow hidden to help me stay grounded. Sometimes I think of my aunt as my real mother, she never questioned who I am, or what I want, she’s supportive, and most of all, she took me in when mom threw me out of her life.

When I received the invite to give a lecture about my job on Broadway, I hesitated to accept. I’m never ready to come back here, to face these streets and their memories. Especially the fact that my mother got married again, and she finally decided to move on and sell the house that initially brought us to this place. That orange house in Syracuse that meant a better opportunity for us, and that finally my dad was based on the Military Base of Wyoming, allowing us to make a life without feeling that we were going to jump to another place anytime. Back then I was eleven and really happy to have a place to call home.

And for the next four years and a half, we truly were happy. We quickly fell into the quiet routine of the place. The school, the stores, the neighborhood and our neighbors, all the children that actually grew up together and me, going from the auburn freckled little girl to the very fit loner that I became when I started questioning myself. Those were the best times here, when I was so busy figuring out how to improve my grades and not being noticed in the process. Even that time when I got close to her, to Brianna.

Just thinking of her makes me smile, because she had always been the catalyst for me to become the woman I am now. As cliché as it all sounds, everything started with a kiss… a kiss that I’ll never, ever regret, ‘cause it gave me the clarity to finally find myself. What followed that kiss was the real trouble, you see, once you try those lips, you’re basically doomed. Or at least, I was doomed ‘cause I found that I wasn’t able to stop, I didn’t find the will to avoid the softness of her lips and the flavor of that chocolate lip gloss. The worst thing about the cravings, it wasn’t the lips that were always soft and welcoming for me, but the conservative woman who brought me to this world found out how… attached I was to those lips, and that was the beginning of the end.

We met in high school, I was terribly awkward and shy, and she was the complete opposite. We started hanging out because of a cheesy freshman event at school, and after a few weeks of really paying attention to each other, I realized I was falling for her... while she was kissing me in my bedroom! We kept kissing, hanging out, and doing things that couples share, ‘til one day, we got caught by my mother. She freaked out, and the rest is history. Mom sent me away, where I couldn’t be a threat to her sanity.

I spent the following years living in Vegas, with my dear aunt and her lesbian daughter. They became my true family, and I didn’t really think of my mother and father, until the day my dad got the stroke that ripped him from this life. He was a good man at heart, but he never managed to get me back with them. My mother always found a reason to keep me away. You might ask if I’m mad at her because of her abandonment, and yes, I am, and more so than I could ever actually admit to myself. I won’t ever understand how she could push me away so abruptly, after being told so many times that I was her personal miracle, that there was nothing that could make her love me less. Now, so many years after, I’m at ease, one of the many things that aunt Chad and Morgan taught me, was to love myself, to never be ashamed of who I am, and that it doesn’t matter who I want or who I love, I will always be Kameron.

My cab finally stops in front of the orange house, it hasn’t changed at all, only the trees I’ve planted with my father in the front yard have changed. I’m nostalgic, there are a lot of good memories I still keep of this house. And others that aren’t that good, but still are part of my own story. For the first time in awhile, I wonder where Brianna is right now. She might be proud of me, coming back home without having a panic attack in the process.

_ But it was long ago and it was far away _

_ Oh God it seems so very far _

_ And if life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car _


	2. There’s something shattered when there’s something breaking thru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with wedding planning, meaningful conversations and a ten year belated meeting happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, a little late, but here comes the new chapter of this adventure.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the reading and I'm working hard on having updates in a shortest time, but it's really hard when your betas are usually busy, so please, let us know what you think of this mess, so we can work on making this a better story.

**There’s something shattered when there’s something breaking thru - Chapter One**

_ Aquaria’s PoV. _

_ There are no limits or no fences, _

_ there is always some way round _

 

After breakfast, Nebraska and I go to our favorite spot in all the house: the porch. We sit there like the old times, when she was amazed by all the new things she found in her first school day and me, as her big sister, listened stoically while doing my doll’s hair. Right now she speaks about this guy she met back in Amsterdam, the one who made me come back home, ‘cause that faceless stranger is taking our precious little gem in a new adventure called marriage. He’s arriving in the following days and even though I’m still doubtful, I can’t deny that he knows how to make my baby sister smile.

While absorbing all the magic and wonders that this Sjoerd guy (is that an actual name?), means in my sister’s eyes, I give a side look to the house in front of ours. A very old version of Shane Cracker emerges from the door, as tall as I remember him, older than I figured; his dreadlocks are messily tied on the back of his head, the greying of his hair a painful reminder of the time I’ve been away. He yells to the ladies inside the house and I can’t help myself from smiling. Everyone in that house is so loud and it seems that will never change. Nebraska keeps talking, and I’m about to reply when I see Bob stepping to the car and then Brianna, with her blonde hair in a bun and what I can call the worst outfit I’ve seen in years.

The car pulls out of the driveway. For a second, Brianna and I lock stares, just before the car goes at the highest speed allowed in the neighborhood. By this point, Nebraska noticed my silence and turns her back to see what I’m watching. “I bet Monique is in labor… I saw her a week ago and girl… she was big, like real big.”

I look at her, nodding, then I lower my now cold coffee. And that’s it, life goes on and it never stops. Now my little sister is getting married and Monique, Brianna’s sweetest sister, is about to give birth. So here I am, a twenty six year old that still cannot leave the past behind and still feels a hard sting on my chest when I think of Brianna.

_ Everything is permitted, _

_ there is nothing out of bounds _

Nebraska seems to see right through me and holds my hand. She knows how hard it was, that break up, and how heartbroken I was when I left. The truth is that I actively contributed to the mess that came at the time. Brianna had gotten a full scholarship in San Diego, and I was going to go to New York, pursuing my haute couture dreams. We had been young and brave, with all the world at our feet, and I thought it had been selfish of her to not come with me. Then there had been this new girl in town, who had pursued exactly the same aspirations. I had thought it’d be harmless until she kissed me at the Starbucks table, at the very same second when Brianna came in, and then…it all went down.

“Aqua, I know what you feel, but come on, it’s been ten years now. Don’t you think it’s time to move forward? I mean, I know how much she means to you, but you can’t get stuck on it forever”. Nebraska squeezes my hand and I realize the tears falling down my face. I shake my head.

“B, you know I’ve tried, but nothing seems to fit together with anyone else… I just wish I could feel less hurt and angry about all of these.” I sigh and proceed to clear the tears with the back of my hand. “Let’s get Mom out of the grave, I really need one of her bear hugs right now.” I smile weakly and jump off the rocking chair to land on my feet and help Nebraska up.

We go to straight to our mothers’ bedroom. We hear that Momma is taking a shower, and Mom is still snugged in her bed. Just like when we were kids, we climb to the bed and we both cuddle her either side. Sooner than we expected, Mom grunts and with her eyes still closed says, “Who let two critters crawl into my bed?” She tries to tickle us and everything becomes a shrieking, giggling mess. When she’s finally awake, she hugs me real hard, like she does every time we meet and ever since I left Cheyenne a long time ago.

_ If everything is permitted, _

_ if nothing ever is taboo _

Later that afternoon, the four of us are sitting in our backyard. For the hundredth time, Mom and Nebraska are checking the schedule for the following three days, and Momma looks at me. The sweet smile she gives me cracks my facade. I hug her silently and she whispers something I can barely understand. Alaska Needles is one of those very perceptive creatures that rarely misses a detail and knowing me like the palm of her hand, knows that something’s going wrong.

“Talk to me Aquaria, what’s hurting you?” she says in her lowest voice, making sure that Mom and Nebraska doesn’t notice our little talk. “I know how hard coming back home is to you, but I don’t think that’s what’s actually bothering you my child”.

I sigh and look at her baby blue eyes. I don’t even know where to start without making a fool of myself. “It’s just… all of this is too much, mommy. I thought I was ready to come back, and then, the weight of ten years and the wrong choices I made is too heavy to handle,” I say barely recognizing my voice.

Momma cups my cheek and kisses the tip of my nose. “So, it’s Brianna again, isn’t it?” She knows me very well, so she doesn’t seem surprised when I nod. “Have you tried to contact her? Like, actually talk to her?” Before I could answer she says, “What you had was special, and there’s a lot of people out there that never find that kind of magic. I was so lucky to find it with Sharon, and the least I wish is that both my daughters find the same for them, but you know well baby, sitting in the backyard with us will not help to make it better.”

“She just averted the eye contact when I saw her in the morning…” I say, fighting back the tears in my eyes. “She looked surprised at first, then her eyes hardened and I’m not sure if I can handle her rejecting me. I just miss her so much, Mommy.” She hugs me tightly and I can feel that she’s heartbroken. She always is when we are in any kind of pain.

“You two are getting too handsy. Ladies, if you’re going to hug, better hug us too,” Mom says, approaching us and including herself in our hug. Shortly, Nebraska is surrounding the three of us with her slender arms. For the first time in ten years, I feel safe and let myself cry.

_ And we just never had no heroes _

_ And all our enemies will soon be stone cold dead _

Our evening went on. Shopping, Nebraska’s bridal gown fitting, and another fresh brewed trento in my hand. My soon to be brother-in-law will arrive tomorrow and we have to be up early, so we go back home to share some Chinese take out. The average, familiar dynamic makes me feel at ease, like nothing ever changed.

Being back in my childhood bedroom is a full experience. Mom kept almost everything on its place, even the plastic glowing stars I added to my headboard when I got to middle school. The old red striped duvet smells like fabric softener and for some reason I feel compelled to wear pajamas instead of my usual underwear to sleep. I’m brushing my hair in front of the window when I see lights in Brianna’s house. Faint sounds of violin notes can be heard and I can’t help but smile.

The door opens and Brianna comes out, letting the little dog out in the front garden. She looks exhausted but happy. She sits on the steps of the door, watching the dog come and go on the grass. She looks beautiful. Now the messy bun is gone, and her long wavy hair falls over her shoulders. The Vans have been replaced by sleepers, and as much as she hates not wearing makeup, I bet she has never looked as beautiful as she looks right now.

Before I can even think about it, I’m walking downstairs. I can hear Mom laughing at something they’re watching on TV. I sneak out of the house to find Brianna chasing the dog. The coldness on my feet make me notice I’m barefoot, and I feel stupid enough to just turn around and go back, but a voice I haven’t heard in years makes me stop on my tracks “Aquaria?”

To listen my name on her voice makes me shiver. She’s holding the little dog and walking warily toward me. I take a few more steps and we meet on the sidewalk. We look at each other for a couple of seconds, I swallow and she sizes me up, as though she’s pondering the potential risks of talking to me. “So I was right this morning. You’re back.” I nod, still unable to speak. “It’s been a while since the last time, hasn’t it?” she asks and I can clearly hear a fading note of resentment in her voice.

“I… I’ve missed you.” she looks at me in disbelief and before she can start talking again, I put a finger on her lips. “I’m sorry Bri, for everything. I don’t know when I began to stop listening to you and even worse, I don’t know when I began to lose you.” My voice cracks again, and the coldness of the pavement starts stinging on my feet, but I’m still in front of her and her puzzled expression. She steps back, barely looking at me. “Please, Bri… just talk to me”. She shakes her head and turns her back on me, muttering something that sounds like ‘I can’t. I can’t’, before disappearing inside. My heart shatters still more with the slamming of the front door.

_ If everything is permitted, _

_ if nothing ever is taboo _

_ Then there is always something shattered _

_ When there is something breaking thru. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My most sincere thank you to Hadley, who made possible the posting of this chapter by betaing and fixing my messy grammar.


	3. Dire and cruel, in spite of my mind, my heart longs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with mental sick pranks that are too real, licking puppies and loving parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter, I finally managed to make weekly updates!!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support and kudos, that make my heart really happy, so please feel free to give feedback whenever you come over here to read.

**Dire and cruel, in spite of my mind, my heart longs. - Chapter Two**

_ Brianna’s PoV _

 

_ Love is not real _

_ Love is a hoax _

_ It's just a dream _

So, this is it. One day you’re sure as hell that you turned the pages and that you’re ready to move forward. One day your heart doesn’t ache anymore and the numbness leaves you with a craving to live. One day you feel like you can start over and keep on with your life. One day you have to come back home and face all your story and you find it doesn’t hurt anymore, and you’re sure that life can’t be other than great.

Then, days like today come to bite your ass and remind you that as much as much effort as you put into growing, you find the reflection in the mirror saying that you’ve aged, but never stopped being the same child you once were. I can barely breathe, I don’t realize that until the wet tongue of Lester goes over my cheek for the fifth time. I release the puppy and he saunters to my dad yapping. I slide to the floor with my back to the front door, the cool of the wood helping me to control myself until I start sobbing.

_ When you forget _

_ What you cannot forgive _

_ The terms are so much easier to _

_ Come to with. _

Being honest, it was kind of easy to snap out of that messy story with half a country between Aquaria and me. I won’t deny the first months were hell on earth, my broken heart was killing me and I found shelter in the kitchen. Most of my skills as a chef, comes from a place of pure sorrow, from those times when I was feeling lonely and missing her smile. I remember dreaming of her and waking up to a sore throat and swollen eyes, and I also remember trying to wipe her memories from my skin with the first girl I could hook up with.

And then, finally came the happiest coincidence I could ever find. Many people says that going back to your ex is never the wisest choice but, what happens when your ex became an ex because her parents managed to take her far, far away from you? 

My college in San Diego sent us to compete to a gastronomic fair in LA. As usual, I was one of their safest bets to win. To be fair, most of the visitors were other gastronomy schools and students from local colleges with some time to spare. I was serving the hundredth plate of my seafood chowder, when a familiar voice called my attention. When I turned my head, there she was, taller than I remembered, all tanned and her auburn hair falling beautifully by the side of her face. She was laughing and I couldn’t help myself from smiling. My sweet, odd and kind Kameron was there, smiling even wider as she locked gazes with me.

_ I have been searching my soul _

_ I've seen the brightest star _

_ I've seen the blackest hole _

 

I’m abruptly brought back from my memories by the warm embrace of my father, who’s glasses slid to the tip of his nose, his forehead wrinkled with worry “Brianna… baby, are you ok my love?”

I’m not sure how do I look, but what’s a fact, is that my eyes must be popped and red, as every time I cry. He lifts me effortlessly. Even though he has always been slender, he is undoubtedly a strong man. Once I’m on my feet, he throws his long arm around my shoulders and lead me to the living room, with Lester following closely, swinging his tail proudly: he has done a good job.

Dad puts me in the couch and wraps me in a soft blanket. Shane Cracker is one of a kind, always distracted with his world and his music, but never too busy to help his son with his science project, or to take care of any of his three daughters. He is also a loving husband, who actually deserves Heaven by being my mom’s life companion.

“Now lil’ cookie, you’re tellin’ yer ol’ father wha’s happ’ning?” Dad says while he sits by my side and wraps me in his arms. I don’t really know where to start. All I have right now is a need to scream and cry, to bury my face on a pillow and forget the world around me. Once again, I can’t. Dad is looking at me. He seems concerned and I shiver.

“The thing is… I may or may have not found Aquaria barefoot in the middle of the street”. He frowns. If there’s one person who saw me falling apart that evening, that’s my father, the one who ate ice cream with me every day until I found a way to smile again. “I thought it was a sick prank of my head, but she was there and she said she’s sorry”. I’m sobbing again, dad tightens his embrace and kisses my forehead.

I hear him sigh and then she releases me, in order to look me straight in the eye. "You know lil’ cookie there's moments in life when vanilla fudge ice cream is the best medicine, and there's times when you need a lil’ less ice cream and a lil’ more cryin’, and there's times when what you need is to clear your head ‘fore making decisions, so now's your call to find out wha’s this time for" He said with this heavy Brooklyn accent of his, and yes, also in one breathe. He stares at the ceiling for a moment, and I can see the tiredness of the years hanging on him, the ever joyful and talkative Shane Cracker.

_ And when that love comes crawling back to me to say _

_ I've been away _

_ Now please let me stay with the _

_ No way! _

_ Never again will I do this _

_ Never again will I care _

He leans to kiss my forehead once more and leaves for the kitchen, Lester following his track. I tighten the wrap of the blanket on my shoulders and I hear a full concert of opening and closing drawers and doors. Dad comes back holding two glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine on the other. “For the days you need to clear your head, there’s always wine to help”. He pours two glasses of wine and hands me one “to Aquaria and her mess”. I clink my glass to his, and we drink until we drown the bottle.

Later, Dad and Lester are snoring on the living room couch, the TV working as background noise. By that time I’m wearing pajamas and I put my robe to go outside. The whole neighborhood is silent now. Just a few houses down the street have any light on and I sit in the steps of the front door, sighing deeply. Playing with my lighter I wait, maybe the clarity of mind I’m looking for wasn’t in the wine I drank with dad but at least, makes me feel less overwhelmed.

 Before I even realize, I’m smoking and that’s not exactly why I came to get some air. The white smoke floats away from me and I follow it with my eyes, just to find Aquaria’s window. We’ve spent a lot of time sitting on that window, first as girls, playing with a tea set and our dollies; then as pre teens, talking, wondering what was going to happen once we were older and finally as young women, making plans for the future, talking about the dreams we were chasing, making out, and spending whole nights cuddling, looking at the stars. It’s hard for me to recall what happened in the time after our break up. She was leaving the following week and I was really frustrated, because I was already missing her.

The thing I most clearly remember, is watching her leave in her high heeled boots through the airport gate, I came too late and didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye.

Nebraska was the one who saw me through the glass doors of the airport, but no one paid attention to the little girl trying to pull her older sister’s arm. I remember losing track of her blond hair on the sea of people, and I remember dad hugging me so tight, that I thought he could see how shattered I was and did a huge effort to keep me together.

I shake my head in a poor effort to blow those memories away, I know they’re a part of me, but I’m not up to relive all that pain. Lighting a second cigarette, I finally understand what kind of day is this; it’s one of those days when you need to scream, to cry, to eat ice cream until you feel sick. It’s a day to let out what’s left of your sorrow and then, get on your feet again. And for the first time in so many years, I learn that as much as I will always love Aquaria Needles, it isn’t worth to be exposed to that kind of pain again. Not in this life, not in the following.

_ It's just a dream _

_ I've had so many nights alone _

_ Love is not here _

_ Love is somewhere else _

_ It's somewhere far _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to my dear boo Luisarmander, who was absolutely helpful on making this chapter as special as it is, and for giving Shane Cracker a piece of his angel.


	4. It doesn’t matter what we’re losing, it only matters what we’re going to find!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with regretting mothers, long lost memories, diners and barefooted ladies in neighbor's front yards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so, so sorry about the delay on the posting, but I've been having some delay with my beta reader, so I'm posting the original version of the chapter and will be updated with the corrections and taming once it is done.
> 
> Again, I'd love to get your feedback, as a writer I'd love to make this better for all of you.

**It doesn’t matter what we’re losing, it only matters what we’re going to find! - Chapter Three**

_Kameron’s PoV_

_ So many things in your life _

_ That you’re bound to regret _

My day goes like this: first coming to the orange house, Katlyn… mom is already waiting for me, dressed to perfection, and clearly judging the creature in front of her. We share a couple of hurried air kisses and it’s really awkward, almost like she hasn’t been my mother for the last decade. We go inside, the house smells like it has been recently cleaned, the floor looks shiny and the furniture has been dusted. But when you see how outdated the art is, and the clear sunburns of the paint on the walls, you can easily guess that this house has been empty for a long time.

She looks nervous, even afraid to talk to me at some moments. I wish this could be easier, that this house didn’t even need to be sold. While I skim the paperwork to agree with the selling of the house, she tries to do some chit chat and I barely answer. We both have different lives and different worlds, and it is painfully awkward. She finally gives up on getting more than pleasantries out of me, so she gives me space to finish with the reading and signing of the documents. Once we’re done, I start looking for her in the backyard.

She’s sitting on the swing that my father built for me when we first moved in. Fighting back the lump in my throat, I take a deep breath and walk forward. Hesitantly, I put a hand on my mother’s shoulder. I haven’t touched her since she forced me to leave her house. She seems to relax under my hand and turns her head to look at me. Then she stands up and unexpectedly hugs me and I don’t know what to do. She asks me to have dinner with her and her brand new husband. Politely I decline; I’m not ready for that… I’m not even ready for her.

Before leaving she says I can stay there if I want, so long as the house is still ready for the new family to move in by the date on the contract. I nod and promise to tell her if I’m taking the offer. I stand behind the of dining room window watching her disappear down the street. Finally, I can breathe.

Turns out, being alone in that big house is harder than I expected. At least before, my discomfort being around my mom was distracting me from the memories held in the walls and floors of this place. Everything reminds me of them… my dad and Brianna. The L shaped leather couches in the living room, and his lasting impression in the cushion. The couch faces a now nonexistent TV, on which once played hours of football and horror movies. The now-silent chimney he stoked by hand in the winter. The long rectangle of the dining room table and the minimalist black chairs he hated. Everything reminds me of my father, the man that loved me enough to keep me protected when he wasn’t there to do it.

_ There's no reason for these fears _

_ It's a promise that was made _

I feel the fresh air of the afternoon sneaking through the back door. I feel sheer, like I’m not really here. I’m a ghost, and just that breeze could scatter my bits forever.

The grey granite of the kitchen counter is exactly the same, and when I look at the stools, I can clearly see Brianna and me, our backpacks on the surface, two milkshakes and a shared cheesecake behind us. I smile at the memory of lifting her, how light she felt in my arms, and how much I wanted to kiss her in that moment… just before Mom opened the door and we went back to pretending to be doing math tutoring.

Not thinking at all, I start walking, counting my steps like I used to do when we just got to this house. My feet are larger now. The perfectly counted twenty five steps from the kitchen to the stairs becomes eleven. The click-clack of my heels echoes all over the place. there’s too much silence. It makes me feel even more like this is a dream.

I come across the only picture that was left on the tea table we had on the hallway, it’s us… Mom, Dad and a cute freckled six year old Kameron. I recognize something of that little girl in me. she was small, innocent, knew no hate, but most of all, she was happy. I can say that I have a happy life now, it’s just this small trip what upsets me. I just really need this to be over, as soon as possible. But I can’t leave yet. I have to…

When I reach my old bedroom I properly feel faint. My parents kept everything exactly as I left it, the white duvet, the pink blanket with printed butterflies and the Teddy Bear that I’ve missed for so long. Sitting on the edge of the queen bed, I can’t help myself from feeling lonely, it’s been so long since the last time I was here. it’s been a long time since I thought of this house as my safe place. I start opening the drawers of the side table. The ancient iPod lies there, abandoned and with a light layer of dust covering its screen, the earbuds and a bunch of dried-out hair ties. I take the iPod and put it in my bag, then I start rummaging over the rest of the drawers all over the room.

_ It's a promise that was made _

_ We've been promised this for years _

I’m not sure about how much time I’ve spent unpacking my memories, but the groan of my belly makes obvious that it’s been enough and I need to eat. I find an old gym bag, where I pack the things I want to keep, including the blanket. Once I’m done, I go downstairs and after looking at the whole empty house once more, I leave. This time, I’m totally sure I’m not coming back.

I walk to the diner that was close to my parents house. The place still smells like grilled meat and coffee, I smile and walk straight to the the table that Brianna and I shared so many times. Surprisingly, the waitress is the same. She looks older and she smiles at me. She asks me if I want the usual and I nod, not really remembering what my usual even was. I’m delighted when, a couple of minutes later, a chocolate milkshake and an eclair are placed in front of me, alongside the menu, in case I want to order anything else. Even the menu hasn’t changed. It’s almost like I’m the only thing that has changed.

My mind gets lost in the memories of those times: Brianna’s gorgeous smile, her sassy sense of humor, the frustration wrinkle on top of her nose and the tenderness of her touch. Brianna came into my life as something unexpected. I’ve known her since middle school when we first moved into town, and even back then I thought she was cute. When it finally happened, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Not only did my doubts and questions finally get an answer, but I found the joy of a loving partner, someone who organically understood me and empowered me to trust myself.

Brianna was the magic my life needed, and all I ever wished to come true. The worst part about what happened after mom caught us kissing, was that she never allowed me to say goodbye. She just sent me to my aunt’s with the understanding that I’d never come back here. Years later I got a second chance; unexpectedly I found her. She was in a gastronomy fair that my college was hosting. Naomi, Kelly, Honey and I were supporting our friend Mayhem. We were taking a look to the competitors when I saw her, in all her glory, wearing a black apron over her kitchen clothing and smiling at me like I hadn’t changed in the slightest. Of course, I couldn’t help myself from gravitating to her.

Soon after that day, we started it from scratch… I learned to love San Diego, and Bri ended up at least liking LA. We had three wonderful years together. Even though sometimes she got too much into her head, I knew there was something holding her back and keeping her away from her dearest family. Her incredible grades and the competitions she won, got her a scholarship in Paris for her last year of College. We didn’t really want to be apart, but we also knew that neither of us was mature enough to survive a whole year of long distance relationship, so we agreed that it was time for us to say goodbye. The last time I saw her, we shared one last kiss before she headed through the airport doors.

_ And one of these nights _

_ You're gonna show me _

_ That you already know _

I finish my food, leave the diner and and without even thinking, start walking towards Brianna’s house. There is so little chance that she could be here, but I’m in town, and I’d like to see it one last time, just to remember the times we shared. To be honest, I don’t want to leave the dreamlike state I have been in since the house; I don’t know if I’m ready to wake up yet.

I didn’t remember the walk being so long, and the streets being that mixed. But I suppose back then, we had the high school as a meeting point, and obviously, we didn’t do this long walks in the five inch heels I’m wearing.

When I finally reach the house, I can see someone’s out, and I just take a step aside, once I adjust my position I can see that there are two blond women talking, or at least, one of them is talking while pressing a finger on Brianna’s lips. Brianna. She is in Cheyenne. My heart jumps, even after all this time, I miss her like the first day. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but it lasts just a couple of minutes, before Bri leaves her and myself looking at her front door. Two steps forward, and I can recognize the woman leaving Brianna’s house. Tall, blonde, a slender and graceful figure of impossibly long legs; her features are more adult now, but the ice blue eyes are exactly the same: Aquaria.

The door closes behind her, and she sighs, curving her back slightly. She looks tired and, if I didn’t know the proud and stubborn Aquaria Needles, I could swear she looks defeated. I walk to her. She looks up, clearly not having noticed my presence until she heard the  _ click clack _ of my heels on the pavement. Automatically she straightens her back and looks at me, first wary, then doubtful, probably trying to remember the name to my face. It must be hard since I actually look different from when she saw me last.

“Kameron Michaels,” she says, turning and walking a little towards me, she opens her arms. I accept her arms and hug her back. She’s still thin, but somehow warmer now. “Whatcha doin’ here?” she asks, smiling genuinely at me, as if we were great friends in the past.

“I came to Cheyenne for the career advice week thing at the High School, didn’t know you were back home too.” I say, in a futile attempt to distract her from the fact I was just walking by Brianna’s home at night. I also glance over the ‘signing away my childhood home’ bit.

“Oh no, I’m not back in Cheyenne… I mean, I’m  _ back _ , but not permanently. I came for my sister’s wedding -- and also the advice week in the High School” she says. Weirdly, she looks a little embarrassed. “Were you going to visit Bri?” she asks. Something in her tone feels like she was questioning what I have to do with Brianna that she doesn’t know.

“As a matter of fact, I’m really surprised to know that she’s here too. After all,” I say. “We haven’t talked in a while now.” I hope I’m doing a good job hiding the hurt I feel thinking of the distance and time between us. “Guess I’m calling a cab now, I have to go back to the hotel, it’s late.” I give a look to my watch and find myself surprised. I can’t recall how did I lost so much time. It’s almost nine o’clock.

“Call your car to my mom’s house, I can wait with you” she offers and I nod, sincerely grateful of her good will. Cheyenne is a city that sleeps early, and these are not times for two ladies to be waiting in the middle of an empty street. I thank Aquaria and we walk to her porch, where we wait together while updating each other on the last ten years.

 

_ If you don't get it _

_ While it's going for free _

_ Believe me, believe me _

_ A kiss is a terrible thing to waste _


	5. We could sell it out together, seems tomorrow's overdue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with tender mother and daughter moments, husbands-to-be and high school meetings

**We could sell it out together, seems tomorrow's overdue. - Chapter Four**

_Aquaria’s POV_

_Stools keep changin' faces, and the night just slips away_

_And like a long distance love affair, soon you've got to pay_

 

Being a morning person comes in handy, except when you’re staying in a house where everyone thinks that getting up early is stepping out of bed at 10. The whole house is silent, and the only living creature that’s awake at seven with me, is my mom’s cat, Luke. He yawns and stretches his paws on the carpet before lazily following behind me. I brew some coffee and ten minutes later, with a fresh cup in hand, I head to the living room and turn on the TV.

Luke jumps into my lap. I scratch his ear while half-paying attention to some news anchor. I’m still a little out-of-sorts about Kameron’s story. People said a lot of things after she left in the middle of the school year, and you never know what is or isn’t true. I feel blessed with my family. Momma said it wasn’t easy in the beginning, people in a little conservative city full of military people wasn’t the best community for a young lesbian couple who happened to be pregnant with their first child.

That’s when the Crackers come into the equation, even though this is the 21st Century, there are people that still sneer at interracial couples.  So, when Sharon Needles, the music producer came to Cheyenne, holding hands with her stunning wife and sporting a blooming baby bump, most of the neighbors gave a hurried hello and kept their children away.  

Momma still laughs when she recalls the day she met Roberta and Shane Cracker. Mom was inside, feeling frustrated by being forbidden to unpack. Meanwhile, Momma was cursing on her third broken nail and trying to bring inside a tea table that, for her slender limbs was way too heavy. A knock came at the door from a very tall, very black, very loud and very pregnant woman holding a little biracial girl. Having introduced herself, the woman who was to be called Bob not Roberta, yelled to her husband, a tall white man with bright green eyes and long dreadlocks.  

The next thing Mom recalls was sharing meals with the Crackers, Momma patiently braiding Monique and Monet’s stubborn hair, and even Mom driving Bob to the hospital when Brianna was coming into the world. Meanwhile, a two-month-old Aquaria was in the back seat of the car, screaming her lungs out while Mom floored the gas. The officer that pulled her over for speeding ended up escorting us all to the hospital, parting traffic in front of us like the red sea with his police lights.

As Momma says, “Misfits and underdogs are meant to find each other, and thank God that we found the Crackers.” For people like us, being gay, black, weird, loud, or otherwise uncommon human beings was perfectly right, as long as you’re respectful to others.

Mom and Momma had always been understanding and supportive with whatever the both of us wanted to do, even when Braska was all worried bout coming out as the only straight member of this family.  

I remember Mom saying: “Nebraska, you will always be our daughter and we love each part of you, if boys make you happy, then be happy with it. The only thing I ever wanted for you and your sister is to be happy.”

Then Momma’s eyes were shiny and her voice was thick. “How could time have passed so fast? Just yesterday I was taking you to your first day at school and now you have a boyfriend… my baby grew up so fast!” 

_And dragon ladies now talk that talk, about who loves who, who loves best_

_Silver bullets in the jukebox, spin another round._

For someone who grew up in an inclusive environment, it’s hard to understand how a parent could get rid of their child because something as natural as their sexual orientation. “One penny for your thoughts” I hear behind my back, and I turn my head just to find Mom’s sleepy face, she smiles at me and then takes a sip of coffee… apples never fall so far from their trees.  She sits by my side and wraps an arm over my shoulders and I tell her everything about last night, cuddling to her in the embrace.

Not so long after that, we leave heading to the airport, Nebraska’s husband to be arrives at 8:30 and we are leaving just in time to reach for him.  I feel curious about this guy who’s taking away my little sister, she has said a lot of things about him. If I’m totally honest, I never thought he was going to be something this serious, so better for him to make her happy or he’ll know who Aquaria Needles is.

Sjoerd is… so Nebraska; skinny, tall and goofy, just like my little sister. They look as cute as a couple of playful puppies, and is in that precise moment, when I realize that my baby sister is really doing this. For some reason, I can’t see myself doing the whole thing… a white wedding and all what comes with it. To be honest, I’ve never seen that for me, and it’s not about being gay or having low self esteem. It’s just I think the whole ceremony is more for the people around than for the couple. My head is still flooding with ideas around that when Mom snaps me back to the moment.

“Are you in Aquaria?” she asks, and I look at her confused, “we’re going to Penny’s for breakfast, are you in doll?” I lightly shake my head and nod to her. We all walk back to the parking lot and get in Momma’s SUV, as I look at Braska and Sjoerd, I wonder if that would work for me.

Brianna’s face pops into my head, and a flood of sorrow invades me. _Face the fact Aquaria, she doesn’t want you anymore._

_Have a double, it's gettin' late, you'll get home, just rely on fate_

_Place just finally came alive, good old boys just arrived._

Both Mom and Momma look at me from time to time. Mom knows matter of factly what happened the night before, and I know she’s concerned. On the other hand, Momma knows that I’m not easily distracted, so she tries hard to ground me by touching my arm or holding one of my hands while she laughs with her son-in-law to be. Soon, I say my goodbyes and get a strong hug from both Sjoerd and Nebraska, then I leave to get ready for my meeting at the high school.

When I arrive to the meeting, there’s a whole classroom arranged for us, and I can recognize some faces. One of my best friends, Blair, is welcoming us and she smiles widely when she sees me. “Aquaria! Oh my god! it’s been so long, how are you?”  the light in her eyes still sparkles the same amused way they used too when we were teens. “I didn’t know you were confirmed, can you believe they’ve lost the list? some things never change, do they?”

I smile at her and give her a tight hug. “It’s been so long, but look at you! You look fabulous and pregnant!” I say, holding her hands and looking carefully at the soft curve of her blooming baby bump. “I think there are things that never change and the administration losing lists is one of those.” We both laugh. We make plans to go for a drink later and I go to take a seat. Kameron is the next to arrive, stealing some looks and whispers while she walks in. I can tell she is anxious while looking for an empty spot to sit and I wave my hand to signal her over. When she locks eyes with me, she sighs visibly relieved and comes to sit by my side.

We make some small talk, much lighter conversation than last night, waiting for the reunion to start.. Just a second before they close the door, Brianna enters the room. Kameron and I fall silent staring at her, and trust me when I say the young woman we’re looking at has nothing to do with the messy punk I saw yesterday. She’s smiling and greeting everyone, until she looks a little surprised when she stares at us. Ok, it’s been years since the last time we saw each other, but she seems to be in actual disbelief. I’m not so sure if she’s in disbelief of seeing us here, or by the fact that Kameron and I are sitting together.

A nervous smile spreads on Brianna’s face, then she looks around the place, a little unsettled. When she finds the last available spot just by Kameron’s left side, She bows her head and shuffles our way. She walks past me, muttering something like ‘good morning Aquaria’ and then sits besides Kameron. They hold hands. I feel a jealous burn in my chest. They share a couple of air kisses -- ugh -- and Brianna finally sits. The meeting starts and I just know I’ll be too distracted to pay attention.

_Midnight at the lost and found, lost souls in the hunting ground_

_A remedy for all your ills, at the lost and found_

_Midnight at the lost and found, midnight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse the long time for the update, but life happens and still, we have a new chapter.  
> Please, don't forget to leave your comments and thoughts.


	6. We'll be in the street looking thunder in the face.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with high school restrooms, panic attacks and fresh brewed coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, here is the update that has been taking a bit, so I hope you enjoy our three main ladies together for the first time.

**We'll be in the street looking thunder in the face. - Chapter Five**

_ Brianna’s POV _

_ Will there be a moment like this my friend _

_ To make a change _

Fact is: I’m never ready to get back to high school, I avoided all means coming back to this place. Today, I’m proving once again, I keep failing to my own promises. I’m positively hungover, I overslept, I’m late to the meeting and on top of it all, I found them: Aquaria and Kameron. What could be worse? Yeah! Aquaria Needles and Kameron Michaels, sitting side by side and chatting as if they were the best friends.

Gathering what’s left of my dignity after we lock gazes, I walk towards the last available spot on the tables, which is, of course, by Kameron’s side. Back in California, when we surprisingly found each other for a second chance, we learned to understand each other's minds and body language down to a tee. This is how I can tell that Kameron is genuinely happy to see me. After last night, I can’t be more grateful of her being here and I know it the instant she holds my hand.

Aquaria in the other hand, seems puzzled, even a little shy. I wonder what’s going through her mind. I think we had a rough start last night; I wasn’t ready to see her again. Let’s be honest, no one is ready to face hurricane Aquaria after surviving her hitting your shore.

Taking a deep breath, I sit, and try paying attention to the information they’re giving us for the career advice lectures we’ll give as alumni. Being realistic, I don’t give a damn of all these, I think I accepted the invite just as an excuse to come back home and spend some time with my family. The universe or God also seems to be telling me to face my past so I can finally move on. By the time the reunion comes to an end, I find one of my hands resting on Kameron’s knee. I pull away and rub my hand on my dress. My leg shakes. I’m craving a cigarette and I’m about to run out of that classroom.

As soon as they call it a wrap, I stand up and leave, not even looking back at Kameron. I picture the face she’s sure to be making behind me. On my way to the restroom I can only focus on getting safely there so I can freshen myself up. I don’t look up at any of the people who recognize me,my eyes down and forward. Once I find myself alone in the restroom, I realize this place hasn’t changed a lot in the last ten years. The grey color of the stalls doors is still cracking, the mirror still looks a little foggy at the edges and my reflection says that I’m not so different from the little girl that left the city to chase what seemed to be a dream.

_ Will there be a moment like this my friend _

_ To make a change. _

If this place wasn’t as disgusting as it is, I’d let myself fall down and surrender to the temptation of a panic attack.  Unfortunately, this restroom is as nasty as a restroom heavily used by teens can be, and my gorgeous baby pink sundress deserves better, so I pull myself together and take a series of deep breaths before going back to the hallway. As expected, both Kameron and Aquaria are waiting outside the door and I pretend everything is going great.

We stare at each other for what feels like ages, and the only word to describe the whole situation is awkward. Reflexively, Kameron takes my hand and it settles me down. being aware of her presence always soothes my anxious self. A little smile plays on Kam’s lips. “Is everything ok, Bri?” She asks, rubbing circles on my hand with her tumb. I nod, throwing myself into her arms, as always, they are open and welcoming. I can feel the magic of the moment fading as soon as I remember Aquaria’s right behind us.

“We were worried, so we came to look for you”, Aquaria says in a low husky voice. I shiver and pull out from the safety of Kameron’s embrace and turn to look at Aqua. I smile at her, and have no need to look in a mirror to know that her sad smile is a reflection of my own. I take a few steps towards her and hug her, letting the pang of sorrow hit me straight in my chest. As if she could feel it, she tightens her arms around me. Her sigh is barely audible. I know that something between us has shattered at last.

Kameron looks around and then put her hands on my shoulders. “Why don’t we move this out of the high school?” she asks quietly. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t help feeling watched between these walls.” We laugh for a second, and we leave the bathroom in a kind of comfortable silence.

_ We're just paving the way _

_ For the lovers, the dreamers _

Aquaria leads us to her rental car. I walked here, just as Kameron did, so the three of us get in. She drives as fast as she can across the streets of Cheyenne. We stop briefly to get some coffee and then go back to the road. I realize we’re heading to the other side of the city, far from the places that had been so familiar for the three of us. Once we get a parking spot, we head down and start walking, this time a little less awkward and a bit more talkative.

We stop at a stone table under an ancient tree that outlooks the side of the lake. We sit there, staring blankly at the calm surface and its reflection of the sun. “So… we’re alone gals” I say, feeling comfortable enough to get back to why we just ran away from the school.

Kameron keeps looking to the lake, taking a deep breath. I think she’s about to speak, but she doesn’t. She must be trying to make sense on her own thoughts. Aquaria looks at me, the full intensity of her ice blue eyes rambling, totally unmatching the silence of her voice. “Listen, Aqua… I… I wasn’t expecting to find you on the street last night. I’ve thought so much about the moment we would cross paths again and, believe me when I say it wasn’t as I expected.”

She smiles at me, and reaches to hold my hand “I wasn’t expecting you to be here, it’s been so long Bri”, the heat of her skin spreading through my whole arm is overwhelming. “Needless to say that I was totally impulsive by going outside to talk to you, didn’t want to scare you.” She looks a little ashamed; a soft wave of pink climbing her cheeks and making her look even more beautiful… I feel like I’m gonna cry. Aquaria, my softest spot, the only woman that can make me feel we are in a different world.

“What was all that, back at school, guys?” Kameron asks, bringing us back to the park. She’s not looking at us, but I can clearly hear the hurt in her voice.

Once more, I’m convinced I don’t deserve her. Kameron had always been nothing if not understanding and supportive; she never questioned the sadness that surrounds me since Aquaria and I broke up all those years ago. Kameron is that warm light that reminds me there’s life after a broken heart.

“You looked like you were panicking, Bri. And Aquaria, you looked like you were about to cry. Not that I have something against emotions, but I’d like to understand before getting stuck in the middle of whatever this is.”

_ The movement's growing _

_ We'll never stop breathing _

The hurt in her voice is evident, even Aquaria is looking at her, a pang of guilt hitting her when she averts her gaze and takes her hand back from mine. “Guess I should explain myself.” I say, getting anxious one more time. I stare down the cracks in the table. “Thing is, it’s been so long since the last time I had a decent conversation with either of you, and I’m not sure where I should start”. My voice is so low at the end of those words, that both of them are now looking at me, I take a sip of my coffee and sigh, not ready at all to jump back to my memories.

“It all started when you were sent to Vegas, Kam”, I say, now looking straight to the lake. So, it finally comes, that time when I have to face the pain, the loneliness, the confusion and how broken I ended within Kameron’s departure and Aquaria’s broke up.

The hardest part of going back to those memories, is that I actually feel that there are things that never got closed. Unavoidably, the pain takes me to places I decided to ignore for a couple of years, pushing it to the side, or giving a real try to move forward… once. I’m not even thinking of it when my right hand sneaks out looking for Kameron’s, who let me tangle fingers with her. I know for sure that Aquaria’s eyes are looking straight to our hands, but I have not the strength to look back at her.

Long story short: this is a hell of a mess.

_ I won't change _

_ ‘Cause if it rains, it rains _

_ Oh! like water in your lungs. _


	7. Is reaching for something that never comes through.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with jealousy, long lost stories, running ladies, and unapropriate looks to someone else's butt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been almost a month without update, and I've promised myself to not post without edition, but I think the people still reading this story deserves better than a long wait.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter, and I'm really, really sorry it's not betaed.

**Is reaching for something that never comes through. - Chapter Six**

_ Kameron’s POV _

_ We've been lost in a sea of confusion _

_ Got caught up in a selfish illusion _

Looking back to the past is one of my least favorite things, I have lots of hard times that I’d rather forget. Funny fact: it gets worse when a particularly painful part of your story is told by someone you care so much. I never figured that the time of my leaving had been so harsh on Brianna. I’ve promised to myself that I wouldn’t blame my mother on what came after she sent me away, but to witness the mess she forced me to leave behind is too much.

I knew that something had changed the moment I found Brianna in LA, she looked distant, so much in her head. We never had a real conversation about Cheyenne, both of us were willing to forget and start from the scratch. Being honest, there was an aura of sadness wrapping around Brianna all the time and I tried to banish it by loving her. It clearly wasn’t enough. By this point, is useless for me to hold back tears, and I can’t avoid cursing Katlyn for what she did to me, to Brianna and even when I don’t want to think of it, to Aquaria.

“When the following year started, I was still in a complicated position with you Aquaria, and with our childhood friends”, said Brianna, her voice sounding far away from us. “Then came Asia’s birthday party, I was terrified when they put us in that closet together. We haven’t spoke in like two years and from literally nowhere, we were kissing!” That was the part that I didn’t know, and I didn’t actually needed to, but due to Aquaria’s expression, I know for sure she didn’t know about Brianna and me.

Aquaria smiles at the memory, and I refuse to keep looking at her. One thing is knowing that, who you might consider the love of your life has a past, and one totally different getting to know the details of how it started. TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Brianna sighs behind my head, she understand very well why I averted my gaze. “I’m sorry Kam… guess this is the part you didn’t want to know back in Cali”, she says, and I clearly listen Aquaria’s gasp. After all, I still have some kind of upper hand.

_ What about time to see it through? _

_ If you don't give you just don't get it _

“Back in Cali? as in California?”, Aquaria asks, shifting her face to look at me with a questioning expression in the eyes. Brianna shifts her position uncomfortably, making sure to call Aquaria’s attention “guess you’ve seen each other over the last years.” I can tell she’s pissed, our update last night didn’t have any kind of Brianna detail, I can’t blame her for basically shoot me with her eyes. 

“Pretty much, that was something I didn’t need to know, Bri”, I answer to her, now turning to face them “you told me there was an issue with Aquaria, and you weren’t in the best place by the time.” I complete, and Aquaria seems to be half outraged and half in disbelief. 

After Brianna and I met at the cooking fair in my college, we spent a whole evening catching up, and it was like we never parted ways. Looking back to our story, I think that everything with her, had always been like this: easy and natural. We spent the night together that night, I swear I wasn’t even trying any kind of move; but the sweet scent of her perfume and… well, a couple of innocent kisses in the corner of my mouth were quite an incentive.

The next morning was the interesting thing to look at, because I skipped my classes just to listen her rambling. Rambling about Cheyenne, about the girls of the High School, and about how lost she felt after breaking up with Aquaria. I patiently paid attention to each word, and when she finally stopped, I took her to the shower and we both got relaxed in the tub. She kept talking until there were nothing else  to say, and I remember telling her  _ I don’t care _ . After that, when we were together, we never spoke about Cheyenne, Aquaria or my mother ever again. Those were the best years of my whole life, because no one was able to take her and the happiness away from me this time.

_ It feels like we've fallen from grace _

_ Given up on the higher thing _

Brianna sighs, I know she’s anxious and if she hasn’t had a breakdown, is because she’s not done talking. I hold her hand, the one that Aquaria is not touching and she starts crying. “You know guys, I can’t do this… I just can’t, I’m hungover, and tired and I can’t have this conversation with you right now.” Both, Aquaria and I get up and sit by her sides, she’s sobbing and I know this kind of tears very well. I’ve seen this tears before, when she got the scholarship in France; when we kissed goodbye in that airport gate. I can feel my heart breaking one more time.

I hug her tight for a moment and then kiss her temple and she does what she always do, she lifts her beautiful face, and kisses me. It’s brief, desperate and incredibly warm, but as she kisses my lips, the weight of all that time apart overwhelms me.  To be honest, I haven’t realized how much I missed her until the taste of her chocolate lip gloss lingers on my lips. I don’t really have time to get what’s happening, when I feel her leaving my arms and standing up, Aquaria mirroring her. They stare fondly at each other. God forgive my dumbness, but I haven’t seen anything more beautiful and extremely painful, than Brianna kissing Aquaria while cupping her cheeks.

Before we can even react, Brianna walks away as fast as her legs let her, we try to follow her, but we both know that what she needs right now is to be alone. “What the fuck happened here?” Aquaria asks more to herself than to me. “Now what, we let her go like that?” I nod, and she looks at me clearly confused.

“When she walks away, she really mean it” I say, and the low tone of my voice takes me by surprise. “She’ll look for us whenever she get to clear her mind.” Even when I know exactly how it works, I can’t help myself from feeling broken: old habits die hard. She didn’t learn how to face her anxiety instead of running away from it.

_ Once in a lifetime you'll find someone heaven send for you _

_ For a lifetime you'll feel there's a reason to believe _

Aquaria shakes her head briefly and the sits back by my side. “So… what was all that of ‘Back in Cali’?”, she asks, staring at me. 

I sigh and press the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “I actually wasn’t expecting to find her. She went to a fair in my college and we accidentally met there.” She takes her cup of coffee and takes one last sip, then look at me again, she wants to know the whole story. “She was reluctant at the beginning, like if she didn’t want to do anything with anyone’s business. The day we met, we went for some drinks… I guess you don’t really want to know what happened then”. Aquaria nods silently, even when her face is calm, I can see the storm in the back of her ice blue eyes.

“Then you two fucked and decided to be together, guess we can skip the PG18 details.” My face is blushing, I can feel the warm spreading through my cheeks. Aquaria Needles just sex shamed me and I feel exactly as the shy girl I was before leaving Cheyenne. “What happened after that? Why did you broke up?”

All the air in my lungs leave in one single punch, thinking of the time when Brianna and I said goodbye. It takes a couple of seconds for me to recover from the flood of memories running wildly in my head. I look at her and inhale deeply before I speak again. “Then we had the most incredible two years together, we were going between LA and San Diego depending on our schedules. We were happy, if that’s what you wanted to know. There were no drama or complicated background stories.” I can’t help myself from smiling, those two years were, by far, the best thing in mi youth. 

I avert my gaze to the lake, as if Holliday Park gave me a brief glance of our picnics at McArthur’s. “Our relationship had always been like that Aquaria, things flow naturally and we have always loved each other.” The sting of pain is crystal clear in her face, I think she wasn’t expecting to know this part of her life. “We learned to know and understand each other. She was always there when everything with my mother went harsh after my Dad’s passing. I was there for her, when she wanted to have me, or when she needed just to be by herself with her mind.  To help her to come back from her own anxiety.”

_ Together is heaven _

_ Apart we're in hell _

“So… she never told you about... us?”, Aquaria asks, I look at her, just to catch the precise moment when her face starts to blush. Watching that doll like face getting blushed, with the sunlight reflecting on her hair, makes me understand why was so difficult for Brianna to snap her out of her mind.  

“I know you were together, and I know that you’re the reason behind her fear to start over,” I say, in total honesty, truth it’s never easy to handle. “I’m sorry… I don’t mean to be rude. But I guess you need to understand why she ran like she did. Both last night and today.”

She sighs, distractedly tugging to the edge of her tank top, it seems she’s trying to find the words she got stuck on her head. “We were together, and I screwed it so bad”, her voice is barely a whisper, the guilt spreading all over her. “I accused her of being selfish, she was going to San Diego and not following me to New York.” Her hands are trembling and she’s quietly sobbing, “To top it all, she caught me kissing with another girl… that was the beginning of the end.” After those words, she just cries, as if the tears were the thing she needed to mend her shattered heart.

I've never been the one with the judgemental thoughts, but knowing that she cheated on Brianna just make me want to hit her. Her remorse and guilt are clear and now I get to understand why she was barefoot in the middle of the night outside Brianna’s house. 

Going back to the moment when she kissed us, the only thing making sense for me is, that both of us are utterly and hopelessly in love with Brianna. This is a fucking hell of a mess.

_ Once in a lifetime you'll find someone heaven send for you _

_ For a lifetime you'll feel there's a reason to believe _

_ In a love that's meant to be. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I hope to count with your love and feedback, it means the world to me.


	8. She got everything that I don't wanna live without

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with realizations, swaying hips, forbidden fruits and a tad of angry hornyness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the delay, it's been almost a month and we're still behind schedule with the betaing, so I apologize in advance for the possible grammar mistakes you could find.
> 
> I'm a chapter away from finishing the writing, so I hope that, even unedited, I get to update regularly.

**She got everything that I don't wanna live without. - Chapter Seven**

_ Aquaria’s POV _

_ Maybe I'm a victim of infatuation  _

_ You know that hot-blooded girl's got my inspiration  _

If there’s a word to describe how do I feel in this moment, that would be: Lousy. Most of the people that reach an adult age, are able to live their lives moving forward. Over the last few years, I thought I was ready to start over again, to look for my happy dreamt life, thing is I have never been able to forget her.

The weight of that realization hits me hard when I notice that I’m crying and basically made a nasty roll with the hem of my top. I must look like a fucking raccoon, I feel my eyes sticky with the mixture of tears and mascara. There’s no way in hell that I can keep some dignity if I lift my face, so I do what I always do: I hide. Kameron seems to notice and gives me a tissue from her purse. 

_ She got jagged edges and a dirty mouth  _

_ She got everything that I don't wanna live without _

“You know Aquaria, I think we’re fucked,” she says, avoiding to look at me while I clean my face “The three of us, I mean, we screwed each other big time.” I side look her, and the kind expression that previously lingered on her face, had suddenly turned sad. “Look at the whole thing here. We were left here, we’re not even friends, but here we are. You’re crying out of remorse and the faint hope to get her back. I’m here, making sure you are ok, even when I’ve never felt so broken than when she kissed you just after kissing me. And she is nowhere to be seen, ‘cause it was too much for her having the both of us at the same time.”

I look at her, it may sound rude, but she’s right: WE-ARE-SO-FUCKED. “I know… it’s just, I’d give my right hand to get her back”, I admit out loud for the first time.  “Watching you two before was a punch in the gut, and I know I have no right to complain, but I was so jealous when you held her hand back in the meeting.” She looks at me, seeming surprised and opening and closing her mouth a couple of times, before pursing her lips. “I know you want her back too.” She nods to my affirmation.

She sighs and moves a little close to me “then what? are we getting into a never ending fight that will end with Brianna running away from the both of us?”, she asks, sounding like she had pondered a thousand options in a couple of minutes. 

“I don’t know Kameron, the only thing I have sure, is that I can’t keep living without, at least, trying to get her back.” The honesty in my own voice is something that I haven’t heard in a long while. “So watch out girl, I’m not giving up on her”, I finish, feeling the deepness of her stare on my own. She smiles. 

_ She's kinda like a rose  _

_ She'll cut you on the your thumb _

We stay for a while sat in the table under the tree, until the wind blows making too obvious my lack of coat. I shiver, and suddenly I feel a pair of warm arms surrounding me. Kameron’s presence is soothing, something about her stoic calm giving me a reassuring feeling of being safe that I’ve been lacking for some time, not even thinking, I rest my head on her shoulder. “You’ll get a cold if we stay here Aquaria”, she whispers. Reluctantly I lift my face and I can clearly see the contours of her face; the high cheekbones, her straight nose and those plump lips. I sigh. “Just for the record, I’m not giving up on her either”, she adds, tightening the embrace and I briefly close my eyes.

The moment is way too intimate, as if we shared some secret that neither of us were willing to tell. “We should go… I have a dress fit in a couple of hours”, I said unconvinced and still snuggled against her warmth. I feel her lips blowing a kiss through my hair, and I giggle, “what a pair are you and I, both of us wanting the same woman, both of us snuggled under a tree in the most romantic spot of a small cliché city.” The vibrations of her musical laugh spreading through my skin.

I circle her waist with my arms and she holds me closer, then she sighs and, kissing my forehead she releases me from her embrace. The wind blows again and I hold back a gasp, feeling the lost of her touch is kind of a luxury that I didn’t knew I needed. She stands up and stretches her arms arching her back. Truth to be told, she’s in such a great shape, I think I missed those details last night. I’m giving an appreciative look to her body when she turns back to me and offer a hand to put me back on my feet.

_ She's kinda like a rose  _

_ And you might wanna run  _

We go back to the car in a comfortable silence, I can really appreciate that Kameron has no need to fill the silence with small talk. “Where are you staying?” I ask, trying to sound more casual than interested, I can feel her side looking at me, holding back what look like a mischievous smile. “I can drive you there and then go back home to fix the mess of my face.” I say and, for a second, I can swear that she read between the lines.

“I need to pick some things up at my parents’ house, so if you can give me a ride to Syracuse, I’ll be really thankful.” Last night she went to a local hotel, and I wonder why she’s not staying at her parents. I nod to her, and open the car door to let her in, then I go to the driver’s seat and we hit the road. Not long after that we reach a big orange house with tall trees in the front, it has a ‘FOR SALE’ sign in the front yard.

She silently stares at the house for a moment, her jawline hardens and seems like she’s not totally into get inside the house. Unbuckling her belt she thanks me for the lift, and turns to kiss my cheek, smiling softly. I caress the side of her face and she closes her eyes for a second, then looks at me, a little confused, then she steps out the car. Walking to the house, she turns back and waves at me, then she keeps walking. 

_ Coz even when she's cold  _

_ She's burnin like the sun _

Absentmindedly, I bite my bottom lip, looking her hips swaying under the light fabric of her mauve skirt. Starting the engine, I watch her long tanned legs disappear behind the door, I sigh. I drive back home, a red light makes me stop and look at my reflection on the rear view mirror: I’m a mess. Well, it’s not just because my hair got tangled with the wind, or the fact that I have black stains under my eyes. I feel like a mess because, even when all this situation has been totally surreal, I can’t help myself from feeling aroused recalling the sensation of Kameron’s skin and the way her hips swayed while walking.

When I get to my mothers’ house, things are barely bearable, and I thank my luck that there’s no one home. I lock myself in the bathroom and fill the tub, I need to relax. I clean my face until I can see the light freckles in my cheeks and nose, the girl looking back at me from the mirror is so different from the woman I know I am. My body is finally surrounded by the hot water, closing my eyes I think of all that happened in the last hours; a desperate confusion taking my chest as a hostage.

If I had to describe what I’m feeling, I’d say that frustration and anger are the stronger feelings. Let’s put this in an angle that can be understood: I’m frustrated,’cause no matter what, I seem to get the worst of Brianna’s anxiety out. That can’t be good in any possible perspective. Then comes the anger, this infuriating feeling that comes from knowing Kameron was there when I was stupid enough to let her go. It’s infuriating, specially ‘cause IT-IS-ALL-MY-FAULT. Now, comes that other part, the one that confuses me the most: Kameron, her perfume, her gorgeous body and goofy smile.

I let myself slide under the water until it covers my neck, I let my head fall back and close my eyes. My mind is full of them.  Full of Brianna, her voice, her sad smile, the reflection of the sun on her blonde hair… the taste of coffee and chocolate lip gloss. Full of Kameron, the warmth of her skin, the tenderness of her embrace and the mindfucking sensuality of her body. I bet she doesn’t even know how she looks and how she moves… and how bad I’d like to fuck her.

 

_ Coz if there's trouble in this town, you know she's gonna find it  _

_ She's like the devil in a short skirt but I don't mind it. _


	9. I've come to know the rules and laws and scriptures of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with wise big brothers, mental breakdowns, yapping puppies and creepy stalking blondes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!!!
> 
> Thanks for following the story and I hope you enjoy this chapter, we're fast approaching to the half of the story and I really hope to count on you for the rest of it.
> 
> Enjoy and I really hope you have a wonderful Christmas Eve.

**I've come to know the rules and laws and scriptures of love - Chapter Eight**

_ Brianna’s POV _

_ Oh, I don't know where I ever lost love _

_ Or where to go now to get it back _

And then… I run, like every time I feel trapped and I need to think, or at least, give my head a break. By the time I reach home, I want to throw myself head down the toilet and ask Lester to flush it.

What in the whole world I was thinking? Ok, in my defense, I wasn’t even thinking.

Why did I kiss Kameron? Well... that one is easy, just because it always feels right to kiss Kameron, and I missed her lips so damn much!

Why did I kiss Aquaria? That one will never be easy, because whenever I kiss her, I use to forget why did I do it in first place. This is exactly the perfect example of that kind of situation.

Did I wanted to run away? Hmmm… yes and no. Yes, because those kisses will make everything even more complicated. No, because I’m so tired of running away from myself and what I feel.

I lit a cigarette, and it helps to get me back from the break down. Staring blankly at the Needles’ house, I can see Sharon, Alaska, Nebraska and a tall guy that’s holding her hand and… Who in the fuck is the tall guy? What am I missing? Why I can’t understand anything?

My head pounds and my cigarette starts tasting like ashtray, I step on the buttock, take it from the floor and go inside the house when Alaska and everyone else is leaving in her SUV. I wonder how long will it take to Aquaria coming back home. A really egocentric and bratty part of me wished they went after me, but then I remembered that it’s Kameron who we are talking about, she might be dying to go after you if you’re in distress, but she will always respect the line if you ask for space.

I get a glass of water, I didn’t realize how dehydred I was until I drink the first and then two more. Friendly Reminder: do not drink a full bottle of wine when you’ll have to be out in the summer sun at ungodly hours the next morning. Lester comes yapping by my side, I pick up the puppy and distractedly scratch his ears. The house is extremely quiet, which means Mom and Dad are not here, so I go upstairs and throw myself on the bed, placing the puppy on my belly.

_ Gimme some fables and proverbs _

_ You gotta gimme some signs where to go _

Before I could even notice, I fall asleep, the dog snoring lightly by my side. The rough feeling of a stubble and a jumping puppy awake me, I open my eyes to find Jamin’s face, he smiles at me and sits on the bed side, giving me chance to sit. “Dad asked me to come and check on you, he was worried that you took so long to come back from the High School”, he says, giving me a soft smile. “Did you catch up with your classmates?” He mocks, and I just half smile.

“What happens little sister? You can come and tell me anything. The fact that I don’t live here anymore, doesn’t mean I’m not here for you blondie.” Jamin had always been the guardian angel for Monet, Monique and myself, being the older sibling and the only boy gave him a total different perspective, as far as the ones getting in trouble all the time were the twins and little Bri. I hug my brother as tight as I can and he holds me silently, caressing my hair to soothe me.

After a -very long- moment, I break the embrace and look at my brother’s blue eyes, he looks worried now, but keeping it cool. “I actually was with Aquaria and Kameron”, trying to sound casual, i look at him, who’s staring back with eyes wide open. “That’s why I came back so late, we like… had a lot to talk about and…”

“And you ran away, ‘cause if you haven’t done that, you should have come home with Aquaria, who’s just getting back”, he says, helping me to look at Aquaria getting off the car and going inside the house.  I can’t help shivering, and Jamin hold both my hands. “Come on Bri, breathe, do not stop breathing” he says in a soft voice. “Come on blondie, you can do this, you can’t keep having panic attacks about her”, one of his hands leave mine, and  cups one of my cheeks.

_ Everything I've ever dreamed of _

_ Has begun to fade to black _

I follow the rhythm of his breathings and a couple of minutes later I’m ready to speak again. “Jamin, I screwed it… like totally screwed it. I kissed Kameron”, he looks at me, puzzled, and before he can tell anything I add:  “then I kissed Aquaria too… and then I just ran away, from them, and from all what I feel, I’m a mess Jamin, a total mess.” Burying my face on his chest, I can feel his hands going through my hair and my back.

Jamin looks at me for what feels like hours, then he holds both my hands. “So, first of all, was it good?”, he asks, arching his brow with a half serious, half mocking expression. I sigh loudly, and nod emphatically. He smiles and pat my right hand, “then the trouble here is you liked it too much… with both of them?” I nod again, this time turning my head to the window and straight to Aquaria’s house. “Little sister, if this were another kind of situation, or if I knew that you don’t care about them, I’d say take both of them, but even if you’re up to, you’ll need to make a decision. One that may hurt the three of you, you know?”

“You think I don’t know that? I’ve spent so many years mourning both losses, dammit!” I sincerely spit to my brother. “But I don’t know what to do Jamin, my whole being wants to find Kameron and be with her, to run opposite from Aquaria…” Jamin scratches his jaw, and take a deep breathe.

“But you still love her isn’t it? like, having her face to face brought back all that you were trying so hard to forget.” Sometimes I hate how both the men in my family know me so well. “Listen Bri, I don’t have an answer for everything, I wish I would, but I don’t. The best advice I can give you, is: if you want one of them, then don’t run away, fear leads to emptiness, and you’re way too full of life to let your sparkle die.”

I hug my brother, so tight that my arms and my chest hurt. He patiently holds me until I finally sigh and get apart from him. “Thank you Benny, you’re always the best big brother that a little blonde could have.” He gives me that look of ‘ _ I’ll kill you if you call me Benny ever again’ _ , and scrubs a tear from my cheek.

“Blondie… you look like you fell on the face of a sad clown, why don’t you go and clean your face, and then we go for meal?”, he asks, casually, I briefly laugh and stand from the bed. “Go and get ready, I’ll feed Lester while you’re done.” I nod going to the bathroom just to hear him say “and don’t you dare to call me Benny ever again!” We both laugh and i close the door while he goes downstairs to feed the puppy.

_ Gimme some words I can live by _

_ Gimme commandments to know _

I look at my reflection in the mirror, Jamin’s description is really accurate. I have deep black circles around my eyes, and my lips are barely contoured, lacking of color on the inside; my hair is tangled and I basically look like if a wrecking ball just hit me. I clean the remnants of makeup and start redoing it, once I see color on my skin, I feel a little better.

Going back to the facts of this morning, I’m neatly sure that I screwed everything in the worst possible way. First of all, I shouldn’t have kissed Kameron, it was me who left her and never tried to reach her when I came back from France. Then, I shouldn’t have kissed Aquaria, even if it felt so damned good; it was exposing me to keep falling for her, and I just can’t afford that kind of risk. The hardest part of all these, is that Jamin is right, I still love them… both of them and it makes things unbearably complicated.

“Blondie! I’m starving, could you please hurry up?” Jamin calls from downstairs, making the puppy yap with him. I brush my hair and tie it with a ribbon, then I go back to the room and I rummage through my case to find something more comfortable to go out.

After changing my clothes I look through the window, and I can see Aquaria’s getting dressed, her hair is damp and she’s wearing just a set of undies. My mouth dries at the sight of her body. I shake my head and leave my room. Even when I’d kill to kiss every inch of her skin and eat her out until she screams my name in bliss, I don’t need that kind of ideas sneaking through my mind when I need to think clearly.

_ There are designated angels who just might save your soul, no! _

_ They give me words to live by, and that's all that I know. _


	10. But damn me and curse me for still needing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with wise lesbian cousins, sweet summer memories, whatsapp messages and creepy stalkers in mauve skirts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to update until sunday, but I will be a bit busy, so I'm sharing chapter nine of this adventure.
> 
> Hope you all have a great New Year's Eve, and an awesome 2019.

**But damn me and curse me for still needing you - Chapter Nine**

_ Kameron’s POV _

_ Bless all the girls staying late after school _

_ They're playing with fire and oh they're playing it cool _

The full intensity of Aquaria’s gaze stays with me even when I saw her driving away from the house. I didn’t really have to pick up anything, but as a sick prank of my mind, this was the only place I’ve thought to hide. I let myself fall on my dad’s favorite couch, and I close my eyes, pressing the bridge of my nose really strong. 

I can’t take out of my head the way Aquaria was looking at me, and I’m a fucking coward, but I don’t dare to think about how hard was for me avoiding to touch her. Truth to be told: she’s gorgeous, like you should be blind to not notice it, but this is not the time to find Brianna’s ex beautiful. Leaning my forehead to the door, I try to make my head clear. Living far from Brianna was not easy, but manageable if I didn’t know she’s here, I could keep everything at bay, but now I feel like I need to get her back.

_ From the minute I turned and laid my eyes on you, I had no eyes of my own _

_ I was blind to the world, you were too good to be true _

I go to the backyard and let myself fall on a chair, the summer heat is on its highest point of the day, and the sun, mercilessly heats every surface on its reach. Memories of the last summer I’ve spent in this house start flooding on my head. That was the only summer I had with Brianna. That’s the summer when I fell in love with her.

Distractedly I kick my shoes and walk to the grass. The scent of the fresh cut and the flowers hitting my nose with the full weight of a fading memory. Brianna and I were sitting on a blanket, having a lazy evening with the last red rays of the sun. The Math tutoring long forgotten by the both of us, still lingering in the book laying on the grass on our first day of summer vacation. Her long wavy hair half tied in a messy bun on top of her head, while she was sitting behind me, braiding my hair.

She lightly kisses the back of my neck and I smile. I turned to face her and we made out lazily, taking the time to enjoy each other. That was the first night we spent together, we didn’t actually did it, but we touched and kissed each other in the most magical moment I can remember. Just as I told Aquaria, things between Brianna and me had always been organic. The kind of things that just feel right.

That’s why I can’t risk let me feel attracted to Aquaria. Because if there’s even a slight chance for me to get Bri back, I’d totally screw it by getting attached to the other. Even if I wanted to take Aquaria with me and fuck her senseless and make her forget of my Bri. I shake my head in a poor attempt to dismiss the idea, that slithers through my mind like a serpent threatening to eat me.

_ How does it amuse you, let me count the pain _

_ How many rules breaking how many games _

One thing is true: Aquaria is a predator, one of the most dangerous kind. Her striking looks and natural charm can get you trapped. I sigh loudly, at this point, all I want is to take a shower and bury myself under the bed covers until I feel less disturbed. I hear the alarm of my clock beep, I totally forgot I promised Morgan to at least message her today.  Tripping on my feet I reach for the telephone and I start typing as fast as I can.

**Kameron** : hey cous! I’m sorry I didn’t call, got a  little busy here.

**Morgan:** Sure you did bitch, mom is worried as hell, needless to say that I’m too

**Kameron:** I know, but yesterday I came almost straight from the airport to my dad’s house

**Kameron:** took forever reading and signing the paperwork

**Kameron** : then I cleaned my old room, ya’ know, stuff I didn’t have a chance to get back

**Morgan:** you ok Kam?

**Kameron:** with Katlyn? mostly yeah

**Kameron:** but you won’t believe this

**Morgan:** what did you do bitch?

**Morgan:** if you kicked her ass for being a bitch and I wasn’t there to watch it…

**Morgan:** I’ll be pissed at you for the next 90 years

**Kameron:** I just cut her off, but that’s not what I wanted to say

**Morgan:** ok, you’ll have to give me details

**Kameron:** later, just read

**Morgan:** ok, I’m just eyes right now

Kameron is typing

**Morgan:** …

**Morgan:** …

**Morgan:** getting impatient here!

**Kameron:** I went for a walk after cleaning my room, so I ended at Brianna’s, and you won’t believe this… she’s here!!!   
Like here, for the fucking career advice week, and I just met her at the high school, and guess who else is here? 

**Morgan:** No way!!!

**Kameron:** Aquaria Needles herself!!

_ And in the wink of an eye you used to give me it all _

_ And with a kiss in the darkness you'd deliver the light _

As soon as the sent marks get blue, my phone starts ringing. “Hey sis! now you’ve beaten your own mark”, I say to Morgan, who starts rambling.

“Details bitch, I want details. What did she say? Was she mean? Was she with Aquaria?” she sighs on the phone, then keeps talking. “Come on Kameron, talk!”. She sounds both excited and wary, maybe she’s expecting for me to start crying any second now.

“I saw her yesterday, when she was literally turning her back on Aquaria” I say. “Then Aquaria found me and she was nice. She also wanted to know what happened with me and why did I disappeared like I did,” Morgan hums in agreement, waiting for me to keep talking. “She actually was very nice. This morning at the meeting we were having a nice conversation when Brianna showed up.” My voice cracks a little when I say her name.

“Ok, I guess by your tone that things weren’t going smoothly” Morgan says, sounding serious. 

“She was nervous, and after the meeting she ran out the classroom. Aquaria and I found her at the restroom. It was awkward, first she literally jumped into my arms. Then she greeted Aquaria and both of them seemed sad.” I sigh and then take a deep breathe. “After that we left the school, and Aquaria drove us to a park in the other side of the city. We were talking for a while… like, a while.”

Morgan hums again, and then speaks. “So, I guess that conversation wasn’t smooth. I know you Kammy, I can hear your head working here, and I’m like thousands of miles away from you girl.” I nod, even when she can’t see me.

“Morgan… Brianna kissed me, and then kissed Aquaria.” She gasps, and clears her throat, giving me chance to put my ideas together. “Then she ran away, again. If you wanna ask if I’m alright, I’m not. I feel confused, and guilty, and horny as fucking hell”, Morgan laughs on that last argument.

_ Bless all the homecoming queens of the night _

_ They're looking for magic in gymnasium lights _

“So, whose bones you wanna jump?” Morgan knows me like the back of her hand, and she will never turn down a chance to mock me. “Let me guess, you wanna jump Brianna’s bones, just ‘cause that’s what you always want whenever you see her. But you want to jump Aquaria’s bones too, and that’s why you feel guilty”. I nod again, feeling kind of defeated.

“You know I hate you, right?”, she laughs in the other side of the line. “Morgan, this is serious, it’s not ok that I want Aquaria too” I say, starting to get annoyed. “I want Brianna back, if I want that, I can’t get to fuck Aquaria.”

Morgan clears her throat again, soothing her laugh. “Ok baby doll, if you know what you want, then stop overreacting. First of all, you need to talk to Bri, and find out if she wants that too”, once again, she’s right. “Did you get her number at least?”

I slap my forehead, how can I be so stupid? “No, I didn’t”, in the most mature expression of herself, she throws a raspberry to me.  

“Then you know what to do honey. Listen, I have to go right now, I’ll tell mom you’re alright, and the next time I hear from you, you should’ve get her number and asked her out. Am I clear?” I silently nod. “I can’t see you nodding bitch, but I’ll take that silence as a yes. Do what you have to do, and don’t call me until you have something for me.” 

_ In the pit of the night you used to pull me so close _

_ And then you'd hold me so tight _

 

“Alright, I will… Love you Morgaine” I laugh, and she throws another raspberry. We say goodbye and finish the call. It takes a call to Blair, 30 minutes, a home delivery of Panda Express and what was left of my sanity, but I get Brianna’s number. And another half an hour for me to write and rewrite a single message before pushing the send button.

**Kameron:** Hi Bri… it’s Kameron, how are you?

Then, I waited… and waited, and finally ate the food before my nervousness decided to chew my stomach. I was about to finish my noodles when the telephone finally rang.

**Brianna:** Hey Kammy! I’d usually ask how did you get my number…

**Brianna:** then I remembered it was you, and you always find a way to find me -blushing emoji-

I can’t help smiling at that message, she’s right, I always find a way to get back to her, but this time I’ll make this is the last time I have to look for her.

**Kameron** : said like that, makes me look like a stalker jk

**Brianna:** -smiling emoji- you’re not a stalker, you’re just persistent

**Kameron:** I’ll take that as a compliment

**Brianna:** I’ve missed you Kammy…

**Kameron:** I’ve missed you too Bri…

**Brianna:** how did this happened?

**Kameron:** we’re both idiots

**Brianna** : True… can I?

**Kameron:** yeah, absolutely

**Brianna:** your parents’?

**Kameron:** positive… u comin’?

**Brianna:** I’m already outside.

I nearly drop the food on my attempt to stand up. I toss the box on the coffee table and jump over it to reach the door. When I open the door, Bri is there, a hand in the pocket of her pixie jeans, hair tied in a pink ribbon and a light blouse that shows the best parts of her curves. She smiles shyly, and I just hold her arm and bring her in.

_ You're the one girl I'll never forget _

_ Somebody bless all these girls and everything that they do _

_ But damn me and curse me for still needing you. _


	11. Feels like an odyssey that's never gonna reach an end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with pink lemonade, long lost contact, creepy stalkers and slamming doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!!!
> 
> I hope you like this new chapter and I promise that things will go faster from now on, enjoy the reading and don't forget to leave your comments and thoughts.

**Feels like an odyssey that's never gonna reach an end - Chapter Ten**

_ Aquaria / Brianna / Kameron  POV _

 

_ Musta met you when we were livin' in another time _

_ Had nothin' but the jealous gods to point our way _

So… my day goes like this: Getting up early to go and pick up my brother-in-law-to-be. Having a family breakfast. Going back home to get ready and make it to the career advice meeting. Spitting and swallowing my heart in a blink when Brianna showed up. Not paying attention at all to the damned meeting. Casually run-walking with Kameron going after her. Leaving the school. Getting more coffee. Drive to Holliday Park. Having the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had. Being kissed by Brianna. Being supported by Kameron. Getting horny by just watching Kameron walk. Taking care of that distracting little thing. A dress fitting. Teaching a bridal shop employee how to properly pin a dress. Modifying my dress. Coming to some random restaurant to get something to eat.

While I distractedly play with the straw in my pink lemonade, I just can’t take her out of my mind. Truth to be told, Kameron Michaels was an average auburn girl when she left. Now she’s nothing less than stunning, and I just can’t take her out of my mind. We’ve exchanged numbers last night, my thumb dangerously getting close to send the message I’ve wrote more than ten times.

**Aquaria:** hey Kam! wanna hang?

Closing my eyes, I push the button and wait, and wait and… nothing happens. She might be busy, I tell myself. She’ll answer any moment. And before I even can think about it, I’m walking to the car, leaving half of my meal behind. Absentmindedly, I drive back to the orange house, and unexpectedly, there is a bike parked in the driveway. I park the car and after refreshing my lipstick and fixing my hair, I step out. Fifteen and a half steps later, I am in front of the door, knocking.

The door opens with the first knock, and i step inside, I’m sure I’ve seen Kameron closing the door behind her just before popping her head on the window. I step inside doubtfully, maybe I’m crossing a line but, who leaves their door open without notice? She may be in need of help and I need to make sure she’s alright.

I’m about to call her out when the scene in front of me just make me freeze…

_ Like a sailor to a siren, nothing's gonna keep us apart _

_ Crashin' over the wreckage of all the sailor's broken hearts _

I don’t really know what am I doing, the only thing that I had for sure when I asked Jamin to borrow his bike, was to taste Kameron again. It’s funny how things happen between two specific persons who have known each other for so long, and that had been apart for an equal part of their lives. First thing coming to my mind, driving to the house in Syracuse. What I wasn’t expecting, were the messages that come to my phone when I just arrived to the house.

Like in the cheesiest movie ever taped, I get down the bike, notice my phone buzzing and then, with bright eyes I see she managed to find me… again. In the most serious way, I can tell that Kameron and I act like magnets, we’re always looking for each other. We’re always missing that lost pole that make us fit together like a match made in heaven… or hell. It depends in the side of the glass you’re looking at. We write a couple of messages, and I can’t help my laugh when she says that all of these is happening because we’re idiots. I can’t agree more with her. I let her know I’m outside her house and before I could even knock, she’s grabbing my hand, pulling me inside.

As sudden as it was, I’m surrounded by Kameron’s arms, the intensity of her gaze burning on my skin. I don’t get what she’s whispering, I don’t get if there’s anything around, the only thing that matters is her, and the soft smell of her sweet almonds cream. For the first time in what seems an eternity, everything’s alright. I finally am where I belong.

First, it starts with a feather like caress to my cheek, then my hair falling freed over my shoulders. I close my eyes and Kameron softly kisses my temple, my forehead, the tip of my nose. I laugh nervously, laying one of my hands on her hip. She keeps kissing every available spot of my face, leaving me more relaxed with every touch. When she finally reaches my lips, I moan, parting my lips to allow her to connect deeper with me. Seemingly too soon, Kameron breaks the kiss, gasping to get her breathe back. She points her face to the living room, I lightly nod and she effortlessly lifts me, bridal style, looking for my lips once again.

We lazily make out all cuddled on the L shaped sofa, her warmth spreading all over me. I’m not so sure how long we keep doing that, but our breathings are getting heavier and the hands that once stood harmlessly on her shoulders and my waist, suddenly coming to life. Sliding my hand through her side, I reach the softness of her breasts and run my thumb over her nipple, she gasps and bites my lower lip. I hear a light sound from the door, and I’m about to look there when Kameron’s hand slides under my shirt, making me shiver.

_ Let the sailors listen to the sirens if they dare _

_ Gonna be dancin' on the water, drownin' in your yellow hair _

  
I just want to devour her, it’s been so long, we’ve been so far. I drink her lips as if my whole life depends on that single task.  Her skin is as soft as I remembered and touching her makes me feel more alive than I’ve felt in a long time.

Sooner than I expected, her hand is cupping one of my breasts, brushing lightly my nipple over the fabric. She giggles a bit at my gasp. I manage to sneak a hand under her shirt and she stiffens, pushing her chest to mine. Her brown eyes look at me intensely and I feel a strong need to get her closer, Brianna’s face is beautiful, an image I can barely stand looking at without wanting to cry. I feel her other hand sneaking through the edge of my skirt, I shiver.

Her lips leave mine and she spreads light kisses along my jaw going down to my neck  The hand that was touching my breast leaves, and I moan on the sudden loss of that warmth. She’s undoing the buttons of my shirt slowly, her fingers brushing the uncovered skin. “I’ve missed you so much babe”, she whispers to my ear and I reach her lips once again.

“I’ve missed you too princess” I say to her lips, just to feel her shiver when I manage to unclasp her bra under the blouse, freeing her breasts from the garment and taking my time absorbing the warm softness of her skin. Her lips leave mine, just to find their way to my collarbone, and she widens the space between us to kiss and lightly lick the upper part of my chest, pushing down the cups of my bra for full access. By that moment, I can’t help to moan. I missed her so much, and I’ve been craving her contact from the moment I saw her leaving Aquaria standing in her front yard.

There’s a light sound coming from the door and I really can care less, all I want right now is her. The hand under my skirt is teasing with my panties, expertly sliding its slender fingers to grab my butt. My back is an arch that grants her full access to my now hardened nipples. She teases one of them with her tongue and I’m melting in pure bliss. I open my eyes, eager to see her face, to look at those eyes and make sure this is not another dream messing up with my head.

First thing I find when my eyes open, makes me freeze for a moment. Aquaria is there, standing by the open door. Her face a mixture of confusion, hurt and desire; she licks her bottom lip, just to bite it a second later. I look at her, licking my own lips, my free hand sliding from Bri’s hair to her chin, lifting up her face and I kiss her, looking straight to Aquaria’s eyes. She shuts the door, making Brianna jump and look back at the source of the sudden noise.

 

_ You put a storm inside me, I wanna head for a safer harbor _

_ They all tell me I should give you up, but no man coulda tried any harder _

_ Feels like an odyssey that's never gonna reach an end _

_ Every time I hear you callin' me, just wanna feel you in my arms again. _


	12. Gonna try and take the pictures of the dust and the gold in the sparks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with unexpected visitors, bouncing boobs and angry sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! Later but still thursday, I'm bringing a new unedited chapter (which I apologize about), hoping that you enjoy itand leave me your thoughts about.

**Gonna try and take the pictures of the dust and the gold in the sparks - Chapter Eleven**

_ Aquaria / Brianna / Kameron PoV _

 

_ At sunset you hear the soft parade is coming _

_ The cars and the beast behind all start humming _

Brianna, MY Brianna is melting on Kameron, and I feel like the most perverted creep by watching them. Eitherway, I can’t stop myself from watching. The heavy breathings and Kameron’s moans are the most obscene, yet amusing symphony I’ve ever heard. My feet taking me two steps closer to them, still holding the door. The cold evening breeze making me shiver and I take one step closer.

I know I shouldn’t be here, and most of all, I shouldn’t keep watching. There’s something about the tenderness and adoration they’re sharing that makes me stay still. One more step and  Kameron’s gasp gets deep into my core, Brianna is teasing her nipples, making her hand fall down to Brianna’s hip. I can’t help myself from licking my lips. Suddenly, Kameron is looking straight at me, her breasts on display while she lifts Brianna’s face to kiss her. I let the door  close behind me, still amused with what I see.

Then, Brianna jumps as scared as a deer caught in light, her lips kiss swell and her face blushing in an abnormal speed. She tries to jump off Kameron’s lap, but she’s faster than her, holding her with an iron grip to her waist. “Aqua… what the fuck? have you?”, she stutters and I lower my head, clearly embarrassed.

“It’s not that… I’m not glad to see you, but what in the world are you doin’ here?”, Kameron says, shielding her displayed breasts with Bri’s body. Kameron looks at me, both curious and frustrated, Brianna shifts her face from me to her and then back.

I sigh, feeling my confidence fall six feet under “I just… came to see you”, I whisper. “But I think I’m kinda interrupting or…”

Brianna huffs, still confused and annoyance creeping up to her face “You know? I think this was a bad idea, I shouldn’t have come and…” Kameron clears her throat, tightening her grip on Brianna’s waist.

“No, you’re not going anywhere”, she says firmly to Brianna. Then she looks at me. “We’re figuring things out right here, right now”, she puts Brianna by her side in the couch, and put her bra up again. “And you, come here, I’m done with both of you running away and you stepping in like this was nothing”. She stands up and taking Brianna’s hand, walk towards me, stretching her arm for me to take her other hand.

_ You never looked so good before _

_ and your time it's finally comin' _

At this point I feel absolutely exposed, it’s not just the fact that my bra is basically a fancy necklace and my breasts are heavily bouncing with each move I make. I don’t really understand what Aquaria is doing here, and most of all, why did she stood there watching while Kameron was about to fuck me. I’m really trying to keep my head on its tracks, but it’s really hard to do it while the only thing swirling to my mind is I’m just angry and embarrassingly horny.

Taking my hand away from Kameron, I take the bra off under my blouse, it’s less humiliant than trying to fix it sitting on a couch. “So, are you gonna tell me why is Aquaria here, Kameron?”, I ask, getting more annoyed with any second of silence. “‘Cause if this was kind of a booby trap for you two get into my pants, you’re messing with the wrong girl” I say. finally folding my bra and putting it by my side.

“First of all, she didn’t know I was coming, and I certainly didn’t know I’d find you almost fucking!” That’s a typical Aquaria, whenever she feels cornered, starts biting her way out of the trouble.  Kameron shifts on the sofa, clearly uncomfortable. “I needed to make my head clear, and the only way was looking for her… she’s the only one who understands the way I feel about you.” Her ice blue eyes are burning with a fire I haven’t seen before. She’s pissed, bothered and has an expression as if she was hungry and ready to jump for her prey. She’s targeted Kameron.

Kameron huffs loudly, Aquaria takes her hand and they walk back to the couch, where we stare at each other for what feels like hours. “So… I could look at the both of you a whole day, but I’m not staying here waiting and wanting while I’m feeling overwhelmed, confused and horny”. She fix her open cleavage, making my mouth fall agape and being totally aware of how wet I am. I cross my legs, searching some friction with the movement, I can feel both their staring at me. “This all started with you kissing us this morning, and I can tell, Brianna, that if we weren’t in a public park, I’d have fucked you right there!”

If there’s a word to describe Kameron Michaels, it’d be: Honest. She has the honest innocence of someone who have never seen evil. Even when I’m totally aware of that, the words all out of a sudden just take me by surprise. “Alright, I shouldn’t have kissed you, or Aquaria; maybe all of these is the biggest mistake ever made” I say, feeling the need to be honest. “But you know what Kam? I don’t care, the only thing I know right now is that I FUCKING WANT YOU… THE BOTH OF YOU!”

Aquaria gasps taken aback, and Kameron looks at me, arching a brow. “Well… I can handle that, what about you Aquaria?”, the low tone in her voice makes me tighten my legs together. “What do you want?”

_ Now behind closed walls new histories start to rise _

_ Of the soft parade and the heroes where they lie _

I can see confusion creeping over Aquaria’s face, shifting the weight from her left leg to the right. She’s actually pondering, shifting her gaze briefly from Brianna to me and then back. “You want us? and that’s the statement of the year, I guess”, her words heavily loaded with irony. “Y’know what Brianna? fuck these… just fuck all of these! I came here looking for Kameron because since I left her here in the morning, all I can think about is wondering how her pussy tastes, and how wrong it is.” 

That’s another thing that I was not expecting, at least I know that what I felt when we left the park wasn’t a prank of my head. I swallow, in an effort to clear my throat and I’m about to speak when Aquaria keeps talking. “And it’s bad indeed, because for so many years I just wanted to get you back and now I can even try to talk to you, comes to me that this… stunning woman is also willing to get you!” she says, pointing at me with one hand. “Now you say that you want the both of us, right?” Brianna nods, slowly, and Aquaria looks at me hungrily. “Fine… fine, if that’s what you want, and she’s ok, then I’ll just take what I want.” Her voice is dangerous and her eyes are manic, she takes the few steps standing between us and she just kisses me.

Her kiss tastes like pink lemonade and lust. Hesitantly I wrap my arm around her waist, and as weird it can seem, it feels really good. Soon her arms are clinging around my neck and I push her closely until the both of us break the kiss looking for some air. Aquaria slide a hand to cup one of my cheeks and we stare at each other, breaking the connection when we hear Brianna restraining a strangled moan.

Still holding the grip on Aquaria’s waist, we walk towards Brianna, both of us taking one of her hands. She stands up supported by us, her breasts going up and down with the fast rhythm of her breathing. She turns her face to Aquaria, staring intensely into her eyes, while sliding an arm around my waist and sneaking a hand under my blouse, making me shiver.  Brianna kisses Aquaria’s lips, both of them taking a deep breathe that ends in a sigh while their lips move almost furious against each other.

I grab Brianna’s ass while burying my face in Aquaria’s neck. Her moan is obscene and provocative, and with the hand she has by my side, she caresses my breasts, easily making her way between the fabric of my underwear and my bare skin. Brianna unclasps my bra and immediately can feel Aquaria’s fingers twisting my hardening nipple. I moan. Lifting my face I look for Brianna’s lips, she bites Aquaria’s lower lip once more, to kiss me just a second later.

In the following minutes, we’re tangled on the couch, we all are barely keeping our panties on, my hand buried on Brianna’s, hers on Aquaria’s and her hand on my own.  We finally decide to move all to my old bedroom, all of us unable to keep our hands to ourselves for even a second. First thing happening when we reach the room, Both of them push me to the bed. Brianna expertly climbing the mattress to sit behind me and holds me, rubbing softly my breasts, while Aquaria straddles me, and kisses her way down to my core.

We spend the night lost on each other, touching, tasting, biting and making love, first in a desperate run to own each other, then cherishing the three broken souls joined in one body. Spent and exhausted, we fall asleep and for the first time since I got kicked from Cheyenne, I feel like I’m back at home.

_ So baby one more kiss, baby one more kiss,  _

_ we never have to say goodbye _

_ Oh one more kiss, baby one more kiss,  _

_ it brings a little luck to the night. _


	13. Can you get me a prescription for that one perfect touch?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with bittersweet pillow talk, confused minds and broken spirits.
> 
> This is the first long chapter of the story and I warn you: is angsty, so if you decide to keep reading, you know what are you singing for.
> 
> Again, this hasn't been betaed since chapter five, I guess, so I apologize beforehand for the mistakes you'll find.

**Can you get me a prescription for that one perfect touch? - Chapter Twelve**

_ Aquaria / Brianna / Kameron  PoV _

_ Is this a blessing or is it a curse? _

_ Does it get any better? Can it get any worse? _

  
I wake up around 3 a.m., still dizzy and a little confused. My body is sore and what makes me get back to reality, is feeling the weight of a body shifting by my side. The perfect features of Brianna’s face the first thing on my sight, a goofy smile spreading through my lips. The last time I saw her by my side and on a bed, was on our last night together, before the big break up. I feel my smile dropping, because my selfishness and stubbornness led me to lose her.

She sighs in her sleep, turning slightly to face me, her legs are still tangled with Kameron’s and laying over the pillows, a mesmerizing mess of auburn and blonde hair. They are beautiful in different ways. Brianna is a classic beauty, her long wavy blonde hair framing her round and small face, her straight nose pointing straight ahead of her face; she has big beautiful eyes and even though her front teeth are a little bigger than the rest, her smile is just perfect. I remember getting lost on her graceful movements and the natural elegance that always had been a part of her. Is easy to forget who you are when those hazel eyes look at you as if you put the stars in the night sky. What she didn’t know, was that she was and is my life; my past, my present and if destiny is good enough to me, my whole future.

On the other hand, Kameron’s face is long and angled, her high cheekbones and her natural plush lips. Those dark brown eyes that talk, and scream and lecture you without even opening her mouth. She's one of a kind, besides that body, the most incredible sin I’ve ever laid hands on, the purity of her soul is what really shine through. I wonder why I have never laid eyes on her, even though that answer is obvious, I’d like to give myself the benefit of not noticing because of her shyness. Now that she’s a grown woman, I can appreciate her gorgeousness, but I’d just rather noticing the incredible person she is before she went out, and before she could have taken Bri from me.

Long story short, I feel blessed to wake up in the middle of the night to that sight. To be honest, you don’t get the chance to share this kind of intimacy with two incredibly gorgeous women quite often.

Now I’d like to know what am I going to do with all this mess. I wanted them, plain and simple. What comes to be overwhelming, is the fact that I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Undeniably, there will be some awkwardness, the usual awkwardness of waking up to someone new. Then, I’ll try to keep it cool, just because I will never, ever forget everything I felt sharing this moment with them; also the fact that I could easily get used to it, just… not like these, not after a discussion, and definitely, not as a reflection of my own anger.

Being totally honest to myself, I must admit that I went for Kameron in a lame attempt to make Brianna jealous. At least as jealous as I was the second I got to understand they had some time together out of this hellish little town. The outcome of the evening very clear, and I can’t really say that I have regrets about having sex with them. But I can’t really say that I don’t have any kind of remorse.

My mind in running wildly, what if they are not into it? what if they acted out of anger too and they regret it? what if I’ve lost my chance by sleeping with them? A long sigh leaves my body, anxiety it’s not the best thing for me to live with. The soft touch of a hand on my skin makes me jump. Brianna is looking at me “you’re thinking so loud that you woke me up” she says, mocking me lightly. I look back to her eyes and even though she is calm, the same pitch of anxiety I was feeling, starting to shape in her beautiful eyes, and I hate myself for being part of what’s getting her upset.

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to wake you”, I whisper while taking my hand to her face “you were sleeping so peacefully and I woke you up.” The hint of a smile half drawn on her lips, and it fades as soon as it came when Kameron’s breathing hits her bare skin.

“What have we done Aquaria?”, she asks, her anxiety sour as bile. “I fucked this up… like really fucked this up” and now she’s fighting back tears. My first instinct is hug her, hold her tiny frame until she can breathe, she tries to dismiss me, but I just tighten the embrace. Kameron shifts deep asleep, totally oblivious to what’s happening just by her side.

_ There was a time when there was nothing I didn't know _

_ There was a time when I knew just what I was living for _

  
I can see regret in Aquaria’s eyes, she’s looking at me, and I can clearly see the guilt in her face and the sadness in her eyes. The smile in her lips quickly fading. “Hey” I mutter, still aware of Kameron’s body by my side, “Everything ok Aqua?” I ask, wary of what she might answer and feeling the weight of the facts falling on my shoulders. How could I end naked on a bed with Aquaria and Kameron? Right! Because I don’t know the fucking concept of self control.

“Yes… No… I don’t know Bri”, Aquaria whispers, the confusion in her voice crystal clear. “It’s not ok, because there’s something that doesn’t make sense, but it’s ok because it feels right, so fucking right that scares me”. Her voice cracks at the end of the sentence, and for me is weird to see Aquaria this vulnerable. “How something as wonderful as this can be wrong if it feels so damned right Bri?”

Then, I stop to think about how do I feel, what will all of these will mean, first of all, is proven that I can’t stay away from Kameron for too long when we are near, it’s like gravitational forces pulling me to her in one way or another. What’s clear, is Kameron is totally right for me, she’s warm, tender, understanding… she agreed to all this mess just after I admitted wanting both of them. The second part, the one that’s fucked up is that no matter how much I try, and how much I promised myself of keeping myself away from Aquaria’s doll face, I-keep-failing.

She looks at me, waiting for me to say something, to be as honest as she has been to me. Truth is, I can’t. The last time I was that honest to myself, I’ve spent six months secluded in my own dorm in San Diego, regretting every single second how did we parted, and also cursing Kameron’s mother for taking her away from me. The worst part of all these, is knowing for sure that the three of us are hopelessly heartbroken.

As a reflex, my hand goes to her face, cupping her cheek and my thumb caressing her cheekbone, and her eyes close. The first time I failed to my promise of keeping away from Aquaria, we were in middle school, and even when we lived right in front of each other, I managed to not even step on her on the street or the hallways of the school. The second time, was right after Kameron was taken away. My own vulnerability and the strong need to feel wanted, led me to kiss her in that closet, then to be with her for the rest of the senior high. 

To be fair, I’d have to admit that there’s something inside me -something masochistic as hell-, that feels inherently attracted to Aquaria. Attracted to her beautiful doll face, to the soft curves of her body… to the sweet taste of her lips. That something is craving more, wishing in the deepest of its twisted thoughts that she’d stay. I know she’s not going to stay, because that’s what Aquaria does; she comes, takes whatever she wants and leave not caring of the mess she’s leaving behind.

I sigh, and Aquaria looks at me, her eyes full of regrets and clearly fighting back tears. “I just don’t know what to do Aqua”, the simple admission of that fact seems to lift a heavy weight from my shoulders. “Saying that I regret this, would make me a liar of the worst kind. I’d just rather it didn’t came from a place of anger and hurt”, I say, starting to feel dizzy.

Kameron shifts again by my side, sneaking one hand on my waist, her breathing brushing slightly the back of my head. Still shivering, I look at the doll face in front of me “I’m so sorry Bri, I shouldn’t have come in the first place… I just…”, she stutters and my thumb slides to seal her lips. 

“The three of us knew what we were doing, I just think…” I sigh, and turn my head a bit to get a glimpse of Kameron’s peaceful face. “I just thinks this will make things more complicated”.  Aquaria sighs deeply, she knows I’m right, and for once, we both look at each other wishing it wasn’t like that. The grip on my waist tightens, now Kameron is awake too, she’s always been a light sleeper.

“You know guys… it’s hard to sleep with your low voices sneaking in my dreams”, she says playfully. “Not that I don’t like it, but if you’re going to talk about what happened here, I’d rather to be a part of it.” She lifts her head with her free arm, and I shift a little for her to see me.

_ Maybe I'm under a spell and it's magic _

_ Maybe there's a witch doctor with an office in town _

Well, I knew this moment would come, I didn’t expect it was just hours after we were together. As a starting point, I may say that this is not the first time I sleep with two women, but this was, by far, the best of all. 

It’s not just about finally having Brianna back in my bed -which I’m extremely grateful about-, but also feeling so wanted by someone you have never expected to be. Still, I can’t understand why if this has been like, one of the best things happened to me in a long time, all around us feels so heavy. Lifting my face and Brianna making space, give me a brief glimpse of Aquaria wiping out tears. Something shrugs my heart so hard, that I feel a lack of air in my lungs.

Maybe, and just maybe, this was too much, and neither Brianna or Aquaria were ready for something like these. All the story behind them is still clinging like a wrecking ball, and it’s about to hit all of us. “So, I’d like to know, why are you whispering in this early hours, and why are you crying Aquaria?”. I ask, as softly as I can, by now, both of them are like baby deer caught in light, the slightest wrong move, and I bet they’ll run away as fast as they could.

Brianna closes her eyes tightly, the adorable wrinkle up her nose showing deeper than ever. Aquaria looks at her, then at me “‘Cause I can’t help myself from thinking this was a mistake”, she says, matter of factly, and each word stings like a sharp knife in my chest. “I shouldn’t have come here and for sure, I shouldn’t have taken advantage of the situation” she says, using her arm as a protective armor in front of her breasts.

“I haven’t decided if this was right or wrong yet, I just wish it didn’t come from anger” Brianna adds, as a low blow that leaves me breathless. Truth is that we started all of these out of an angry outburst, and that we all were exposed, and that we all are deeply hurt about things that happened so long ago that I’m not so sure if that should count anymore.

I sit up, to have the chance to look at the both of them, suddenly, this bed and the whole room start feeling much smaller than it actually is. “Wow! I don’t know what to say about that Brianna… now I feel like the pervert by not feeling guilty about sleeping with you. And Aquaria, we both know this might have happened one way or another, there was something last night when we talked, there was something this morning when we were left behind at the park.” Aquaria nods lightly and I’m painfully aware of Brianna trying to burn holes through my body with her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that Brianna, you know I love you, but if you think this might be wrong, then I don’t know why did you agreed on the first place”, that last sentence comes out angrier than I wanted, but by this moment I’ve had it.

The hurt in her eyes is obvious, and I feel guilty for a second, the last thing that I want, is her jumping freely to the conclusion that last night was a mistake. “Spending a night with you is never a mistake to me, and I want you to get it crystal clear, ‘cause I won’t let you turn this decision into a weapon to punish yourself for the next years. What I think you don’t have clear is that you finally felt at ease with you and with everything you feel about the both of us. After this night together, I know for sure that you are in love with me, and with Aquaria too.” 

Brianna’s eyes are wide open, and she opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, until she realizes she can’t say no to that. Then Aquaria looks at me, I’m not sure if she’s angry or just about to explode her own tension. “Funny fact, I think I noticed that either”, Aquaria says, just to lift her head in one of her arms, and letting her other hand rest over mine on Bri’s waist. “Guess I agree with you right now Bri, this is making things even more complicated, cause if there’s something obvious here, is that we’ve noticed, but you’re still in denial.”

I look into Aquaria’s eyes, and even though I don’t really know her, I could tell she’s pissed. “So, tell us Bri, will you give your heart a chance to speak, or will you run out again?”, I ask, not actually trying to push her, but letting her know that we need to know what she’s really thinking.

“Fine, if you want to know, I’ll tell that I love the both of you guys, but I’m scared to hell”, Brianna says, with a monotone voice that takes me by surprise. “I’ve known that for a long time, because you’re what never leave my mind. I-fucking-love-you-both! But that doesn’t change anything, doesn’t change the fact that I’m scared to hell to get back to Aquaria because I won’t make it alive from another broken heart on her dime. and I would never, ever keep you to fix and tolerate the mess of my mind, because if you know that I actually love someone else will hurt you sooner or later Kameron, and I-would-never-hurt-you!”

Both Aquaria and I remain speechless, this last piece of information is what finally give some sense to all these years of being in the middle of nowhere. Before we could even move, Brianna push our hands away from her body, leaving an empty space between us in the bed. “I need to make my mind up”, Brianna says, and we jump out the bed attempting to follow her. “And I want to do it by myself… leave me alone.” I freeze and I hear Aquaria falling back to the bed as if she was hit with full force. Once more I try to reach for her, just to get a warning look “I mean it Kameron.”

We watch her leave the room, her glorious nakedness, the last thing clinging to our eyes. I hear her going downstairs and some minutes later, we hear the front door closing and the engine of the bike coming to life. Brianna ran away… again, this time, maybe forever. 

Aquaria starts crying, and I go back to her. Holding her close to my chest, we got the first rays of the morning light. We talk, and talk, and keep talking about Bri, about her, about me… and about us. Some hours later, I see her leaving in the car. A black hole spreading through my chest, making me feel lonely than ever.

_ Maybe I'm crazy, and I'm losing my senses _

_ Maybe I'm possessed by a spirit or such _

_ Maybe I'm desp'rate and I've got no defences _

_ Can you get me a prescription for that one perfect touch _


	14. We're crusaders of the heart and going all the way is just the start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with stutters, dress shopping, furious cooking and summer weddings.

**We're crusaders of the heart and going all the way is just the start - Chapter Thirteen**

_Kameron/Aquaria/Brianna PoV_

_Come on and take me, take me!_

_We're crusaders of the heart_

_And going all the way is just the start_

No longer after I’ve been left, I call a cab and go back to the hotel, grab my things and cancel the rest of my reservation. Then I move back to the orange house, which ironically, is giving me a little more room to think on what am I going to do next.

I’m one of the first guests for the career advice week, Blair email my schedule and all the details, and I can’t be more grateful of having something to keep my mind busy.  Images and memories of that night still haunt me whenever I’m distracted, and I can’t help myself from wonder if any of them is thinking of me. Selfish as it might be, I keep wondering if something could have been done in other way, if any of the possible scenarios in my head may led to a different outcome. The hardest part, is that I wouldn’t change a thing, even though I haven’t known about any of them and it hurts like hell.

Two more days go by, and I’m ready to go back to the High School, this time as a guest and not like the outcast I have always been. I’m about to call a cab when my telephone beeps, the message alert jumping on the screen.

_**Aquaria:** I’m around the corner, don’t leave _

_**Aquaria:** My speech follows yours, so I thought to come and pick you up _

I raise a brow, two whole days of radio silence and she comes as if we just had dinner together. When she arrives, I’m still laughing at myself, no matter how pissed I can be about the silence, being in full conscience of her coming here again relieves me more than I’ll let myself to admit. The car stops and I walk out the door, making sure to leave it closed this time. Before I could even react, a pair of arms are surrounding my waist, and the heat of Aquaria’s body and the scent of her perfume hits me in full display.

Turning to face her, she tightens her grip on my waist. “First of all… I’m sorry, I needed to clear my head”, she says, just to briefly kiss my lips. “Then, I thought of all these, and, if you want, I’m open to give it a chance and see where does it take us.” She kisses me again, this time longer than before. “We also need to decide what are going to do about Brianna,” one more kiss, the one that makes me dizzy. “And last… would you be my +1 to my sister’s wedding next saturday?”,  she asks, whispering to my ear and nipping my earlobe when she’s done.

One thing is sure, and it is that if I don’t break this moment, we will not make it to the school, and they’re counting on us, so, reluctantly, I kiss her one more time and then make some space between us. “Forgiven, but I won’t forget it miss thing,” Aquaria laughs, and I get lost on the joy of her beautiful face, then I lock hands with her and start walking towards the car. “Wow… you just said you want to try and date and you invite me to your sister’s wedding? that’s quite a step.” She gives me a side look. “Guess she will talk to us when she’s ready to do so, by now you must know that confrontation is not her strongest suit. Anyhoo, I’m happy that you came back, I was feeling lonely.” Aquaria kiss my cheek, just to clean the cherry red stain on my face, then she gives me that look that clearly says _fuck all the way off/I missed you too._

“Guess you’re right babe, one step at time,” she opens the car door letting me hop in, and before closing it she asks “so… about Nebraska’s wedding?” I laugh, and then nod at her. Her smile widens and I can tell she’s happy.

“Count me in… but I’ll need to get a dress, I didn’t pack anything for that kind of event.” Aquaria giggles and jumps a couple of times; she closes the door and then goes fast to the driver’s seat. We make it just in time to be introduced to the auditorium that’s crowded with teenagers that seem bored and listening to some of the speakers makes it harder for them with their monotonous voices and the lack of emotion about their own professional lives.

I have never been a natural speaker, and when it’s finally my turn to talk, the kids seem about to fall asleep. Getting nervous I trip on my own feet when I’m walking to the podium, and it makes the crowd come back to life. I start talking, my voice unsure and I nervously look at Aquaria in the front line, her smile giving me the reassurance I needed to talk about my passion, and showing them not theory, but actually the ideas in my mind shaping in stages for theater plays and TV studios.

_Sometimes it's the flesh_

_And the way it seems to yearn_

_For all the magic of the single perfect touch_

I keep looking at Kameron during her speech, and struggle to keep focused on the audience while I give mine. Some of the students seem excited about what we do and how we got to achieve what we have. A group of girls gather around me asking about how life at FIT is, and another group is asking Kameron about choices on Architecture and design. I know it had just been a couple of days, but never got to ask her what does she do for a living, and after that night I found out we both live in New York. I wonder what else will I discover about this amazing woman.

We leave the High School hand in hand, still laughing about the stiffness of many of the former students, and how I’ve stuttered out of excitement about what I do for a living. “Shut up! there were just two words, and no one but you noticed”, I say, making her laugh louder.

“Ok, just two words, but everyone there noticed, believe me”, she mocks, making me flush, I lower my face and she stops to lift it with our conjoined hands. “You look so cute when you’re blushing”, she says and I feel my skin burning. I can’t really remember the last time I felt like this, and being honest: I really like it. “Well my lady, are you coming to dress shopping or will you let me surprise you?” Looking at her, and faking annoyance I lean to kiss her, muttering _you’re impossible_ over her lips, just to pull her to the car.

“I’m going with you to that dress shopping, I need to make sure you don’t look better than me and my bridesmaid dress.” She fake coughs to hold back a cackle, and by the time we reach the car, most of the guests of the advice career day are looking at us, half curious, half offended by our chirpy loud talk.

We spend the rest of the day looking for a dress. To choose a dress for Kameron may be one of the most difficult tasks to perform, it’s not about her body or height, it’s about her looking ravishing with basically anything she wears. By the evening we have seen more than fifteen gowns and still can’t make a decision. “Baby, honey, darling, dear… I know you’re showing off, but I’m starving and you have-to make a decision… like right now” I demand, feeling exhausted, and regretting with all my heart not having a sewing room at my mom’s, so I could create something just for her.

“Alright Ms. Bossy Pants, I’ll pick one, but you can’t complain about it”, she says pointing at me with her index finger, and I bite it playfully. Twenty minutes later, we have a beautiful black dress that shows her legs, her arms, her shoulders and marks her hourglass body beautifully. We get some food, and talk about our lives in New York, I learn she’s working for a Stage Building company, still as a junior designer, but working hard to get a promotion, and I tell her about my work at that indie fashion store, the one that found my work good enough to give me a chance as a designer assistant. Later that night, I leave her at her mother’s house after an hour or two of making out.

The following days went way too fast, and Kameron was really helpful, not just by helping me running errands, but also helping Momma to set all the decorations together, and making sure Mom didn’t kill the caterer, making it easy for Sjoerd, who still feels awkward and relieving Nebraska in the process, and mainly, keeping my anxious head at bay, just because that house easily became madness.

The night before the wedding, I stay at Kameron’s, we spend the night watching Netflix, cuddling and making out, once we finished with a movie, she put her laptop out and turned to look at me. “I hate to be the one bringing this to the table babe, but we need to talk about the big white elephant in the room”, I nod, knowing exactly that she is talking about Brianna, a subject we avoided like masters.

“She will be there tomorrow,” I say, matter of factly, “she’d never turn Nebraska down, she loves her like a little sister.” Kameron nods, clearly understanding how the relationship of my family with the Crackers had been working for at least 26 years. “You know Kam? I’d like her to be part of these… like, a part of us.” She looks at me, one of her brows arched, thinking.

“I’d love to get her with us, I really do, but I’m not sure if she’s ready to make a decision like this, Aqua”, her tone is somber, and I can see sadness in the back of her eyes. “As much as we could make an effort to bring her with us, the whole idea might be overwhelming for her.” In my ideal world, things would work for the three of us. We would be happy, together, building a life for the three of us, maybe even raising a family. Then, I know Kameron’s right, Brianna’s emotions are still messed up, and she didn’t try to contact any of us. Maybe this is the time when we give up on her… and it’s not that we don’t love her, it’s just she’s way too afraid.

_Say a prayer for all the sins_

_Let the dancing never end_

_Let the future now begin_

It’s been a whole week since I left Kameron’s house in the middle of the night, and I can barely believe that time ran so fast. Gratefully, the group of guests they had for the career advice week is not the same where Aquaria and Kameron are included, so I can concentrate on what I have to do.  To be honest, I haven’t been able to think in any other thing that what happened that night, I find myself recalling the sensation of Kammy’s fingers in my sex and Aqua’s lips on my breasts one time and another until the need to release tension is unbearable.

Dad, Jamin, his wife and Mom are the happiest about my sexual unreleased tension, cause I unleash it the best way possible, which means relentlessly cooking… all day long. From breakfast to dinner, going through brunch and tea time cookies and scones, I spend most of my time keeping my hands busy and giving my family some extra pounds they’ll never complain about. Blair, my dear friend and now sister-in-law, looks at me in suspicion and rubbing her growing baby bump. “Brianna… I know it’s not of my business but, you’re acting weird since the meeting of the career advice week,” she says, and I can tell she’s being cautious while I vigorously mix flour, milk, fresh vanilla and eggs for the evening cookies. “I bet my right hand that it’s related to Aquaria and Kameron.”

“Come on, Jamin has the biggest mouth in the fucking world,” I say, frustrated, not only my fucking sex life was miserable, but a matter of public knowledge. Blair laughs, and looks back just to make sure my brother is not around. “How can you be so sure that this is about Aquaria and Kameron? why doesn’t this be about any other person?” I ask, irritated, and mixing the ingredients with even more strength.

“Oh God, Brianna! first of all, calm down, you’re making a hole on that bowl. Then, Jamin has nothing to do with my conclusions,” she says, with a petulant smile on her lips. “I may not know a thing about being a lesbian, but I know for sure when someone wants to jump another’s bones”.  She looks around again and whispers, forcing me to lay down my bowl. “And I saw the hunger in both of them, they were chasing you… and also, I saw you leaving together in Aquaria’s car.” I sigh defeated and then nod.

“Yeah, we left the school together, and we had a talk. And I kissed them,” I whisper, rushing my words. “And it was fucking awesome, and then I slept with both of them. And that was beyond incredible” the simple admission of that little fact, seems to release a huge weight from my shoulders. We spend the following hours talking about what happened with them, and how hard it’s being for me to make a decision. For the first time in so many years, I let myself talk long and detailed about my fears about letting Aquaria in once again, and also about my regrets about never looking back for Kameron once I came from Paris.

Talking with Blair about all this issues, and about that part of my life was refreshing, especially when she helped me to put together the pieces that didn’t make sense. I understand that they’re actually in love with me too, as much as I’m in love with both of them. Obviously I keep that part for myself, anyway, I’m pretty sure that Blair already know what I’m hiding. When the last cookies were decorated, I was positively sure of two things: The first, I am deeply and utterly in love with this incredible women, and second, as much as I’d want to be with both of them, I’ll have to let them decide who of them is able to live knowing that she’s not the only one.

Later, Mom and Dad are sleeping at the end of the hall, Jamin and Blair crashed on my brother’s old room straight in front of my door. Lester is snoring by mi side, the puppy fast asleep while I scratched his head. Absentmindedly I look at the dress hanging on the back of my door. When I bought that dress back in New York, I remember the joy I felt when mom told me we were invited to a wedding, and not only a wedding, but Nebraska’s one. I’ve always seen that gorgeous girl as my little sister. First like the living doll that both our mothers never allowed to play dress up with, and then as the positive and cheerful girl she grew up to be.

Now, I still feel joyful about her and the big step she’ll take by getting married, but the idea of having to face Aquaria just make me wish not having to show up. Maybe she won’t say a thing on her sister’s big day, still, she’s always been confrontational and short tempered. She’ll want to know what’s going on with me and my silence, and for sure I’ll have to explain myself one way or another. Then she’ll have to decide if she’s still willing to get involved with the mess of my emotions.

My anxiety takes over and after some more hours of failed attempts, I finally fall to a restless sleep that’s crystal clear when my family looks at me in the morning. Jamin and Mom mock me on the undeadlish color of my face, both Blair and Dad lecture them. Blair gives me a cup of coffee, which I grateful take as a temporary peace treaty.

We finally hop in my father’s car and I curse my choice of gown as far as I can barely sit comfortably. when we arrive to the church, there’s a lot of people gathered there already and the bells are calling all of us to get in. The ceremony starts and Aquaria opens the line, looking like lust in her mauve satin gown, her deep cleavage a distraction even for the groom’s best man. The rest of the procession gets in, and finally Nebraska comes, both Sharon and Alaska by her sides. They reach their final positions, and I see Aquaria smiling wide, not looking at her sister, but two lines back, exactly where Kameron’s auburn hair stands out of the sea of heads.

_There are so many wounds you can't heal_

_So many nightmares are turning too real_

_So much of paradise lost and you added the cost_

_But there's nothing to be sorry for_

_Now we can feel so much more_

_Now we can be loving you_

_Nothing that we're scared to do._


	15. I'll never lie to you and that's a fact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with old feelings, chosen families, hollywoodlike kisses and restroom confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!! such a long time since the last I've left a note to you, and I wanted to do it to close January postings, just because as you gave your appreciation with comments and hits, I want to validate the people who has been following the story to this point.
> 
> Thank you again for being here and I hope you like how everything is shaping towards the last chapters of the story.
> 
> I apologize again for the grammar mistakes you could find while reading as far as English isn't my first language and this hasn't officially been betaed since chapter five.

**I'll never lie to you and that's a fact** **_-_ ** **Chapter Fourteen**

_Brianna/Aquaria /Kameron PoV_

_And maybe I'm crazy_

_Oh it's crazy and it's true_

_I know you can save me_

_No one else can save me now but you._

I don’t even pay attention to the ceremony, how could I? Aquaria does her thing, assists Nebraska and makes sure everything goes smoothly for the work of art our little girl is on her big day. When the newly weds come out of the church, Aquaria goes in third line behind them, walking hand in hand with Kameron, both of them smiling to each other. The spell seems to break when I look intensely at them, and Kameron locks gazes with me and her smile starts fading, then comes Aquaria, who kisses Kameron’s cheek and then winks at me.

My heart is furiously thumping, and I can’t decide what’s making it worse: watching them holding hands, or the fact that no matter why, I’m utterly sure that this is all my fault. I get on my feet and before I can even make it conscious, I’m running to one of the side exits, now the crowd is gathered in front of the church for the pictures, and I can’t be there with a face full of fear and pain. I can smell the warm scent of summer afternoon, I’m almost out when I’m abruptly stopped by a firm grip on my left arm.

First instinct, I pull my arm, just to get caught by an arm around my waist. The warmth and the perfume so well known to be mistaken. Kameron wraps me with both arms, leaning her chin carefully on top of my head. “Hey… breathe, just breathe Bri, I knew you’d come here. I will always find you,” she says, softly caressing my back, and annoyance creeps over me with every second that I feel the waves of calm wrapping us, like have always been.

“No… just let me go Kammy, I can’t...” I stutter, fighting against her iron grip.

“Listen to me Bri, we don’t have a lot of time, and your family will be looking for you in any second.” She says, adjusting her position to look into my eyes. “We… Aquaria and me need to talk to you. I beg you to stop running.” Instinctively, I lean my cheek to her hand and close my eyes. Kameron always make me feel safe, and I can’t understand how can she still give me that sensation when she has just shattered my heart. “I want you to know I love you, and I always will Bri. Just give us a chance to talk.”

I nod to her, then she gives me a soft peck on the lips and release her grip from my body. I whine to the loss of her touch and a freezing sensation gets under my skin on the spots her hands touched me seconds before.

It takes me a couple more minutes to reach the restrooms in the back of the church, and I look at my reflection on the mirror, it’s clear that I’ve been crying, luckily I’m in a wedding, so no one will question my puffy eyes. I fix my makeup and by the moment I go to the front door, Jamin, Blair, Monique and her husband Antwan are looking for me and I can’t thank enough my dear friend and sister-in-law monopolizing me, taking me away  from the rest of my family, while I see Aquaria and Kameron hopping on Alaska's SUV, going to the party.

I hop on my brother’s car, I have not the strength to ride with my parents, and somehow, the silent understanding in Jamin’s face, offers the peace of mind that I’m desperately in need of. Blair fills the silence talking about how gorgeous Nebraska looks on her bridal gown, and how much her husband and her look alike.

By the time we arrive to the venue, I feel at ease, and ready to survive the evening, at least, I think I’m ready for it. Sharon leads us to a table close to theirs. Mom and her share a tight hug and some tears, all filled with the memories they’ve built together across twenty six years of friendship. Sharon tells my mom and dad that we are family and we should be close to them as that.

I see the people come and go, and I wonder if someday mom would tell the same things to Sharon and Alaska on my wedding day. Watching Aquaria and Kameron playing the perfect hosts, makes me feel that it won’t happen… at least not with Aquaria or Kameron. My heart aches a bit with that thought, because as all my life, I screwed my chances by taking so much time. I screwed my chances by being so hopelessly in love with the both of them.

_And maybe I'm lonely_

_That's all I'm qualified to be_

_There's just one and only_

_One and only promise I can keep_

As soon as the car gets in motion, I look at Kameron, who’s been looking down to her hands since hopping on next to me. I wrap her in my arms, quietly whispering in her ear “it’s ok baby, it’s ok… we’ll figure this out,” I say one time and another, mostly to make myself believe it, but also to keep her from start crying.

Mom looks at us from the rear view mirror, the heavy weight of her gaze falling on me like an anchor. “Girls, I know what’s happening here, so I beg you, don’t do anything you can regret.” Mom’s voice makes me jump, that’s the moment when I realize she knows… of course she does, Momma should’ve  told her everything about my concerns, and adding one plus one, she knows that both Kameron and I have our own agenda.

“We won’t Sharon, don’t worry,” Kameron says, the resolution in her voice making me shiver. Mom nods in agreement, and goes back to the road, then Momma turns a little to her side, looking at us.

“I know you’re going through a rough patch, but remember this is Nebraska’s day, so please, help us to make it easier for her.” With this final words, mom looks sympathetically at us one last time and then turns to look up ahead. Kameron sighs, kisses my cheek and then sits straight on her place, fastening her seat belt. The rest of the road to the Wedding Party is deafening silent.

The gloomy aura surrounding us along the trip fades as soon as we reach the beautiful garden Nebraska chose for the date. We all smile and greet people, say hello to our cousin Heidi and her Veruca, Lola, Kitty, Cherri and Amy, and we also have a chance to meet Sjoerd’s family who arrived just in time for the celebration. Kameron helps us with every single detail, from making sure the waiters did their thing in time, to helping the guests to find their tables.

Mom takes care of leading the Crackers to their places, a table just besides ours, the closest spot to Nebraska and Sjoerd’s place of honor. Brianna si looking at us from  her place on the round table, both Kameron and I smile at her, and even though she looks cheerful, I know well those smiles aren’t reaching her gorgeous eyes.

A random guy takes her to the dance floor, he’s holding her close and I can’t help the pang of jealousy hitting my chest, my first instinct is to take Kameron to the dance floor and swing close to them. Just a couple of turns and I can hear her laughing, the kind of honest laugh ringing from her mouth like the chirping of a bird. Kameron looks at her, frowning and she tightens her grip on my waist, one more turn and she kisses my lips, making it longer than expected, and making her trip on her partner’s feet.

She apologizes to the guy, who’s clearly holding back a joyful laugh, then they go back to the table. I see Brianna taking her clutch and going to the restrooms. I ask Kameron to go back to our seats and we do, then I excuse myself to the restrooms and I hurry up, just to catch Brianna there, exhaling to her reflection. “So… you’re together now?” she asks, bitterly.

“Kind of, but we… I want to talk to you” I say, stuttering, oblivious to my fingers fidgeting the edge of my gown cleavage. “Listen Bri… I... “

She turns to face me “save it Aquaria, if you’re going to say that you love me, it’s fair for you to know your girlfriend told exactly the same to me back in the church”, the annoyance in her voice cutting like a knife on my spirit.

“Well… that’s true if I may say, we both love you, so much that it hurts.” I say, the pain in my voice too clear to my own taste, this meant to be a statement, not a plea. “But I need to know what do you think, what do you feel.” At that point, I feel my resolution crashing to the floor.

She sighs loudly “listen Aquaria, I don’t really know what the fuck to think right now. I feel hurt, and confused and utterly mad at the both of you” she says, and her voice cracks. “You both say you love me but your PDAs tell me you’re head over heels into each other. I’m finding really hard to believe those ‘I love yous’, when all you do is show how in love you two are.”

I groan in frustration. “Because you’re doing anything but hiding! How do you think I felt when I saw you leave that room refusing our company?” I ask, raising my voice. She takes a couple of steps to me. “Then nothing but silence, you think you’re making it easy for us, but NO!” I take a deep breathe, and she’s right in front of me. “You’re just being a brat… a very selfish one, because we know very well what do we want, and that is you, me and her… the three of us together.”

Brianna arches a brow and shifts the weight of her body from one leg to the other. “Us? Together? That one is good,” the sarcasm in her voice hits me with such a force that I need to grab myself to some sturdy surface. “Yeah, I thought so… just leave me alone, and don’t hurt her, she’s a good person, please make sure to not break her heart as you did with mine.” With those last words, she walks around me, and leaves the place. I cry.

_After a while you'll forget everything_

_Just a brief interlude,_

_and a mid-summer night's fling_

_Then you'll see that it's time to move on_

I notice Aquaria has been off for a while, so I go to look for her, I have this sensation of something going wrong and I’m sure this has something to do with Brianna. We went too far with the kiss on the dance floor and I guess things are out of control right now. I reach the restrooms in time to see Brianna leaving, I barely see Aquaria curled over herself and I run to her.

“What happened baby? are you ok?” I ask, lifting her face to look at her eyes. My heart breaks a little when I see her crying and I feel the urge to bring Brianna back and force some common sense into her head. Aquaria looks at me, she seems lost and I just hug her tightly “I know you’re not right, I’ll end this… right now.” I kiss her forehead and then her lips, then I release her and she tries to stop me but I easily move away.

Once I’m out, I can see Brianna on the far side of the hallway, she’s smoking and I see a line of tears sliding through her cheeks. Now I’m furious. I walk to her as fast as I can, and she tries to sneak away but she can’t escape me. “Alright Bri, we’re talking right now… and no, I’m not releasing you until you promise you’re gonna listen to me.”

She nods after a couple of seconds, taking a last drag of her cigarette, and disposing the buttock on the ashtray behind her. “Well… I hear you Kameron, and it’d be better if you don’t waste my time.” Her voice, low as a threat, I sigh and look straight at her.

“I don’t know what Aquaria told you, but I can make up for my own mind”, I start, trying not to scare her. “I’ve been thinking since that night at my parent’s house… I know for sure that I like her, more than I expected…” She’s about to speak, but I raise my hand, asking her to wait for me to finish my idea. “But truth is, I love you too, and I refuse to let you go, no matter what. I was dumb enough to let you go when we had our chance and I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you go now.”

She lit another cigarette, takes a drag and slowly exhales the smoke; then she looks back at me “Then comes the same bullshit that Aquaria said, that you want the three of us being together, isn’t it?” The tone in her voice is full of poison and sarcasm, I know for sure she’s hurt; I take the cigarette out of her hand and take a drag myself taking her by surprise. “Honestly Kam, I don’t know how it will work, as far as Aquaria is demanding and I have no patience to deal with starting an experiment that’s bound to fail.”

I give the cigarette back to her and look straight into her eyes “Brianna, I need you to listen to me carefully.” My voice is low and husky, I know she’s hurt, and I know Aquaria is hurt, and as much I’d like to go through my own pain, I need to do something, before everything between us becomes a fading memory. “We had a long conversation after you left us that night. There are two things we know for sure, the most important of those, being that we both are in love with you. The other is that we are attracted to each other,” saying this words out loud is relieving, and I’m sure it shows in my face.

“Then comes that part when we decided to give it a try with the both of us. Against all odds, it’s working but there’s still a missing part. Said missing part is you, because we’ll never be complete without you around.” Brianna looks at me in disbelief, her mouth still closed and her head falling to one side.

“So, you expect me falling head first to this idea, don’t you?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper. “If I wasn’t sure, right now I know that ain’t gonna happen” she says, the weight of her words hitting me stronger than the moment she left the room a week ago.

“You can’t be this stubborn, for real. Can’t you see you’re refusing yourself the chance to finally be at ease?” I ask, getting exasperated. “You love her, and me… and I love you, with all my heart, clearly Aquaria does too, what else do you need to understand Brianna? WE-ARE-NOT-COMPLETE-WITHOUT-YOU!”

Brianna takes a step back, looking straight at me, her mouth opens and closes a couple of times, no words falling from her. “I’m up to try, to share with the both of you. She’s up to try and give herself to us. Why is it so hard for you to understand we want to love you?” my words last for a moment in the warm air of the evening.

She closes the distance between us to lay a hand on my cheek, then she kisses me and I melt on the taste of her lips. “I… can’t promise it will work, but I can try...”, she whispers to my lips. “I love you… the both of you.”  

Not long after that, we join Aquaria on the restroom, she’s fixing her makeup. Her eyes still puffy from crying. Brianna walks to her and lay a hand on her shoulder, Aquaria turns to look at her and they hug and I join them, getting high on the mix of their perfumes. We’re ok, we will be always ok.

_As long as the wheels are turning_

_As long as the fires are burning_

_As long as your prayers are coming true_

_You'd better believe it, that I would do_

_Anything for love_

_And you know it's true and that's a fact._


	16. If you really want to, then I'd love to be the body that you hold onto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with old houses, new memories, after wedding confessions and terrifying lesbian moms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again guys! We're reaching the last part of the story, and I'd like to thank all of you again for still read to the little monster, and also, for making me feel that there are some people around that still cares.
> 
> I guess I'll share the song list of this story in the next chapter.
> 
> Thanks again and hope you'll enjoy today's episode.

**If you really want to, then I'd love to be the body that you hold onto - Chapter Fifteen**

_ Aquaria/Kameron/Brianna PoV _

 

_ So many things you need to know, so many left to say _

_ But you mean more than words I know, _

_ I can help you chase the pain away _

We leave the party not long after Nebraska and Sjoerd. Kameron calls a cab and we are impatient for it to arrive, we still have so much things to talk and the time is running off our hands. Once we reach the Michaels’ house, we rush to the front door, and Kameron drops the keys a couple of times before Brianna finally opens the door, her pulse steadier than ours.

Kicking out our shoes, we finally go to the backyard, sitting on the stairs of the door. “I can’t believe your mother is selling this house”, Brianna says, looking blankly to the tree in the far end of the garden. “I mean, even though this was the last place we saw each other so many years ago, this place is full of stories and memories of your family.” She adds, now looking at Kameron, who sighs deeply.

“I know, this place is full of my dad and full of you Bri, and now will always be full of Aquaria” she says, and I smile thinking of how in such a little time, we built memories in this place; the only place in all Cheyenne that has a shared story of the three of us. “I will always miss it, but right now, I have more important things to think about.” She stands up to kneel in front of us on the steps. “Right now, we need to figure out how we are going to make this work.”

Brianna sighs and I reach to hold one of their hands. “So, let’s start from the scratch”, I clear my throat and look straight to Brianna, whose beautiful face is taking a soft shade of pink. “We are doing this, like… we are sure to at least try and make it work, so we need to be totally honest with each other. The best way to start is speaking by myself” my voice is trembling and I take a deep breathe before I go on with my speech. “I love you Bri, with all my heart, I’ve never stopped doing it.”

Kameron squeezes my hand for a second, encouraging me to continue. “Nothing had ever been the same since I’ve lost you, nothing felt right until Kameron appeared, and I think… I think I want to love the both of you” I say, feeling a bit more confident. “I want to be yours from now on… if you both want me.” They’re looking at me, and I give one last sigh.

Bri’s hand leaves mine to go up and cup my cheek, a soft smile spreading on her lips. I bet she has never looked so beautiful. “I… dammit… I’m scared. It’s hard to admit it, because Lord knows how much I prayed for the time to get any of you back to me.” Her voice cracks in a sob, she averts her gaze, looking to the night sky. Clearing her throat, she looks at Kameron, who’s caressing carefully her blonde hair. “Kameron, you make me feel safe, loved and wanted, and seems surreal that your eyes show the same spark they had so many years ago, the first time we kissed.” Kameron lowers her face, her cheeks lit in red, making her look even more stunning.

“And you Aquaria… you make me feel powerful, invincible. Is like I can do anything if you’re holding my hand. We’ve been connected since before we were born, and my life feels so incomplete without you”. My heart thumps so strong I think it’s gonna jump off my chest. “I’ve been afraid for so long, and I didn’t know what to do… having you in the same place, at the same time was overwhelming”, she adds, her body shivering under our touch. “I still don’t know how we could make this work, but you’re giving me hope for the first time in years. The only thing I know now, is I don’t want to lose any of you, that would kill me.”

Unable to hold it back, I reach to hug her tightly, soon Kameron is joining us, running her hands over our backs. “That’s all I needed to know Bri, I love you too. And I promise to give myself to you girls. I wouldn’t understand a world where you’re not close to me.” I say to them, feeling a wave of peace going down my spine. “And you Kam? you’ve been so quiet, speak your mind,” I tell her, breaking the embrace, looking for her face. She cups our cheeks with her hands and closes her eyes briefly.

“You’re the most complicated and stubborn people i’ve ever known,” she says, holding back her laugh. “It took me just one night to know that I’d do whatever it takes to get you two with me. After you left early that morning, Aquaria, I knew that I wanted you as much as I want Brianna, and I realized that I may be crazy but I wouldn’t quit on any of you.” The clear honesty in her voice and the intensity in her eyes, finally giving me the chance to shed some happy tears.

_ You say you're all alone, _

_ and after all the changes you've been through today _

_ You can use a little tenderness, right now _

So… this is happening, like, the three of us together, and I feel my heart thumping like a drum, beating its way out of my chest. I wipe a stream of tears form Aquaria’s face with my thumb, she gives me a little smile, then, we both look at Brianna, who seems mesmerized looking at us. “I mean it… I really do”, I say to the both of them, pulling Brianna closer.

Brianna pulls me even closer and leans her head on Aquaria’s shoulder “as much as I love to  be like this, I guess we should move inside, it’s getting a little cold.” She says, not even attempting to be the first to break the embrace. “Also, we still have some things to figure out”, her voice a little weak while she speak.

Aquaria is the first to get some distance, taking the chance to kiss our cheeks once. She stands up and shiver “Bri’s right, it’s getting colder and I’m basically bare chest… come on girls, let’s get warm inside.” Her tone is playful, and soon both Brianna and I join her, walking back into the house. We go upstairs, where all my luggage is spread everywhere. 

“Excuse the mess, I barely had time to get ready this morning” I say, a little embarrassed and picking up some of the clothes from the floor, I hear them laughing, and Brianna takes the clothing from my hands, putting it over my open case. 

“There are things that never change, huh?”, she says, looking back at me. “You’ve always been like these, a little messy. It’s ok… I guess we still have time to fix this up” she walks towards me, and put her arms around my neck. “We have time, and now, all I need is to get off of this gown.” Brianna pouts and Aquaria stands behind her, already undoing her zipper.

Aquaria laughs biting her lower lip “I’d rather get you off that gown in a sexiest way, but I’m sure if I start, I’ll rip it off, and this baby deserves better.” We all laugh, and Bri steps back to take off the gown properly, Aquaria takes it and quickly put it on a discarded hanger, while I give Bri one of my tees to put on, then Aquaria does the same with my dress, finally I help her to take out hers and we all are wearing t-shirts and undoing our hair, finally comfortable with the domestic moment we’re sharing.

Once we’re done, I look at them “well girls, I hate to be the one starting with this, but before anything happens… cause I know it will, we need to talk.” I say, looking at them and reaching to take their hands to drag them to the bed. “Now that we decided we’re going to be together, we need to decide what’s next. Like, even before we go back to New York.” We sit on the mattress, facing each other, and Aquaria takes a deep sigh.

“You mean, as letting our families know?”, Aquaria asks, and we see Brianna’s face getting pale. “I don’t know how mom and momma would take the news. I mean, they know how I feel about Bri, and Momma doesn’t get at all how did I jump into your arms so easily Kam.” She sighs again, taking a little moment to reorganize her thoughts. “They’re open minded and so, but I’m not so sure how they will react to the three of us together.”

Brianna open and close her mouth a couple of times, then she speaks. “I think, before telling anything to them, we need to make sure that we all are on the same page.” My clever girl, always trying to find a safe spot, so she can get some certainty. “By now, saying we’re dating is kind of an euphemism, we know each other since forever, so… where are we?” She asks, more to herself than to us.

“I guess we are a throuple”, I say, not actually thinking. “We are together, in a romantic relationship, one that involves three instead of two. Polyamorous, that’s the word I was looking for.” Proud of myself, I smile at them. “And I guess it’s a committed one, isn’t it?”

Brianna nods and Aquaria leans her head to her right side. “Polyamorous… I like how it sounds, as far as I love the both of you.” Aquaria says, matter of factly and I nod. “And yes, I love the both of you too, gals. I’m only yours”, she adds, with a huge smile on her lips.

“I love you too Kammy, Aqua. I wouldn’t even think of trying something like this if it wasn’t with the both of you” Brianna says, and my heart melts by knowing for sure we all feel the same way. “So we’re in a committed polyamorous relationship.” She laughs and then shakes her head, “I was pathetically single when I came to Cheyenne and now I have two girlfriends, who would guess that, dammit!?” We all laugh, the simple idea of all of this happening is comforting, but still scary. I thought to get them both with me, but I have no clue on how to make this move forward into the future, now I know we’ll have to figure it out.

_ Ok, I've been alone, _

_ and I can understand the way you feel tonight _

_ Maybe together we can charge it all right now _

How did I get so lucky? I can’t find another way to describe it, the simple thing of them reassuring they’re in love with each other and with me is comforting. No more doubting, no more choosing just one of them, no more getting them to make the decision. And this is how it starts, I take one of their hands on mine, pulling them to me. Feeling their closeness makes my heart skip a beat, I take a deep breathe and sneak my arms around their waists. “I want you girls… like really want you”, I say in a whisper, then Aquaria leans to kiss my lips and Kameron’s go to my neck, sucking lightly on my pulse point.

Before I could notice, our tees are thrown around the bed, over the cover, a mess of limbs, whispers and moans. My face between Kameron’s thighs and Aquaria lazily making out with her while touching me and Kameron’s fingers skillfully sliding inside Aquaria. I lift my gaze to look at them, the side of her faces colliding in a kiss that suddenly turned heated. I’ve never seen something so obscenely beautiful.

I’m not sure how much time we spend making love, but once we’re sated, we cuddle under the cover, our bodies still vibrating with reminiscing lust. “I love you girls… so much,” I whisper, distractedly tracing patterns on Aquaria’s back. They giggle, and Kameron pulls us closer.

“We love you too Bri, never forget that”, Kameron says in a soft voice that melt my insides. “And I love the both of you, I’m excited to start over with you holding my hands.” I hear a small part of the scared little girl I met so long ago, she’s still scared, as much as I am, but this time, we can face those demons together. This time, there are no ghosts building walls up between us.

Aquaria sighs, shifting a bit to get comfortable, her breathing getting slower with each passing minute. “I love you girls, but right now, I really, really need some sleep.” Her voice thick with tiredness and a last deep breathe, letting us know she’s asleep. 

Kameron and I look at each other until we can’t stay awake anymore. And for the first time in years, i drift to a dreamless sleep. 

Early in the morning, I wake up to an empty bed, I reach my phone on the nightstand and find it’s five to eleven. Stretching I get out of the bed, and make my way to the bathroom, my whole body is covered with love bites, and I smile at the memory of how did I got those. Downstairs, the faint sound of what seems Lady Gaga singing, getting louder while i go to the first floor. I find Aquaria dancing in her underwear, holding a hairbrush as her mic.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen her so carefree and happy. Her blonde hair flies while she dances, and Kameron is in the kitchen, fixing some discardable dishes with our take out breakfast, her head moving to the rhythm of the song. “Aqua, baby… we need to wake Bri, do you mind?”

Aquaria stops dancing and look at the stairs, where I’ve been watching them. “There’s no need for it Kam… good morning princess”, she says, walking to me and discarding the hairbrush before she could kiss me. Soon Kameron is with us, surrounding us with her strong arms. I feel safe.

We’re having breakfast and chit chatting when Aquaria’s phone rings “i have to take this girls.” She stands and we hear a muffled ‘hi mom’ from her. 

“She’ll tell Sharon, I bet”, I say, looking at Kameron, who gets pale with the mere idea. “The sooner, the better, Kammy. We won’t be able to keep it a secret for long, just please, don’t panic.” I reach to hold her hand, and she nods, sighing. We didn’t really talked about how to share the news, and who will tell the families first. Not a surprise that Aquaria took the lead on that, but her deflated expression when she walks back say much more than she could.

“Mom and Momma want to see us, the three of us”, Aquaria says, a hint of worriedness in her voice. “She didn’t said much, but I think you should call Bob and Shane as soon as you can Bri, or Sharon Needles will cross the street to spread the news. By herself and face to face.”

I sigh loudly, I know dad will understand, but mom will be a whole other story. Aquaria hands me her phone and I call home. One, two, three rings, then my Dad’s voice breaks the silence.  He says Sharon called, inviting them to their house in a couple of hours, also asks if everything’s ok, cause she asked if I have called yet. I sit on the garden steps, and tell everything to him, who remains speechless until I finish rambling, then he says “I’ll keep ya’ mamma at bay, but I bet I’ll be tough lil’ cookie. See ya’ at Sharon’s.” And with those words, dad finished the call.

_ If you really want to, _

_ I'd love to hold you _

_ If you really want to,  _

_ then I'd love to be the body that you hold onto. _


	17. You can keep your mouth shut because it doesn't really matter right now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The unexpected one, with worried parents, silent mothers and offended kittens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about to reach the final three chapters of this adventure and I want to thank you all for being kind enough to read this madness to the end.
> 
> This is a very special chapter and you'll see why, I actually enjoyed a lot writing it and I hope you like it; also, as promised, you'll find at the end of the chapter the songlist that I used as inspiration to build this work. All the songs are by Meat Loaf.

**You can keep your mouth shut because it doesn't really matter right now - Chapter Sixteen**

_ Shane’s PoV _

_ Little lady, I think there's something on your mind _

_ I've known you long enough to know _

_ The words are not that hard to find _

I haven’t get properly the meaning of that popular saying of ‘ _ you’re never ready for what comes when you’re a parent’ _ , until this early morning. But let’s get this from the very beginning, from the day I met Roberta. The first thing I thought was ‘Good Lord, this woman is loud’, and then, the second thing coming up to my mind, was a bunch of loud little ones with her smile and my eyes.

The first to come was Benjamin… or Jamin, as he preferred to be called, my self centered and sassy mouthed son, the one who gave me the worst headaches with his lack of academic abilities, and his so talented artist hands. Following him, came the twins, the loud, beautiful and brilliant Monet and Monique; both of them as gorgeous as their mother, and who had their own world and often forgot to include the rest of the people in it. Last, but not least, came my beautiful little cookie, the one with the Cracker’s characteristic fair skin and blonde hair: My Lil’ Cookie.

She was the frailest of my children, her tiny features and warm hearted personality the cause of so many disappointments in her short life. Even though she’s tough, I know she plays hard to get, and to protect herself from a world that gave her its back so many times. I remember the long nights and exhausting days comforting her, making her believe she deserves nothing less than the whole world, and believing in her when she didn’t found a way to do it.

God knows I wasn’t ready for Brianna’s call this morning. As a father of three girls, you’re never ready to know your little girls are growing, and it’s even worse when they fall in love and decide you’re not the man of their lives anymore. I went through it first with Monet and the never ending parade of candidates that never were enough to her standards, until some Dustin Ray appeared to take my little girl away. Then Monique met this guy Antwan, as she said, love at first sight; they’ve been together from junior high, til now, that they welcomed their first born, baby Jasmine.

Brianna was fourteen the morning she came out, all teary eyes and so, she came to Roberta and I to tell us she likes girls. The following years, she met Kameron, a sweet girl who made my baby smile like I’ve never seen before, and also getting her first heartbreak when she disappeared nowhere to be found. Then came Aquaria, our friends and neighbours’ Sharon and Alaska Needles daughter. Brianna’s heart shattered when she caught Aquaria making out with another girl, and my girl decided to never open up again, until last night.

Sharon’s call made me wary, she never does that kind of formal invite unless something big is happening. When Brianna called after her, I needed to understand what was happening, and when my daughter said she was in a committed relationship with both Kameron and Aquaria, I swear my heart stopped beating. I knew that Brianna’s heart was split in two parts, each one with those girls names, and I knew she didn’t want to make a choice.

_ And I know you feel the same _

_ You've been searching for the words, _

_ Now you know what to say _

My Bob was still confused when she heard my silence, that’s something that she could never understand, how can I speak so much and so loud and suddenly just fall silent, as if I even wasn’t there. When she heard I finished the call, she came to me, arms crossed in front of her chest, and demanding an explanation, as far as she heard me saying I’ll keep her at bay.

“Babe, ya’ll need to sit, I’ll keep it as short as I can, promise”, I read her worry, especially when she sees the weight of my years falling on my shoulders. There’s no way I can lie to her, I’ve never done it, and I won’t start today. “It was our lil’ cookie, and she’s a lotta say, so please sit babe, it’ll be bettah that way.” Bob sits right by my side, and reaches to take my hand instinctively while she listen to Bri’s story through my lips.

When I manage to finish with the story… the whole story, since Brianna found Aquaria in our front yard, to the point of the committed relationship she’s currently sharing with both Kameron and Aquaria. To be fair, since I married this woman, I have seen her speechless just thrice in the last twenty nine years; the first, when she found out she was carrying Jamin; the second one, when I asked her to marry me; and the last, when she heard she was going to be a grandma. 

Today, I witnessed a fourth time. Bob was totally speechless, fidgeting the edge of her green apron, sometimes looking at me, then at the window and then back to me, just to turn to her side and take Lester from the floor and distractedly scratch his ears. “Bob… Roberta talk to me, ya’re scaring me shitless woman”, I asked her, almost begging. She blinked twice, then she put the puppy back on the floor and got off the couch.  

“Hurry up Shane, I don’t want to be late to Sharon’s”, those were the last words I got from her before disappearing inside the kitchen.

_ And you say nothing at all _

_ Well I couldn't have said it better myself _

_ Tonight the conversation takes the fall _

Bob kept silent the rest of the morning, busying herself around the house until she hurried me to go to Sharon’s house an hour earlier than she asked. “We have to talk to them, I mean, they know for sure, otherwise Sharon shouldn’t have asked if Brianna called already.” I look at her, arching a brow, a silent question clear on my face. “Don’t look at me like that Shane Cracker, I know they’re not kids anymore, but if we’ll have to talk about this mess our daughters are doing, better to be in the same page than them, at least, to know what they think about this… this... “

“About our girls decisions.” I complete her phrase, and she looks at me, relieved. “Y’are right babe, they no kids anymore, and from my point of view, we’ve two options”, she looks at me, intensely, her brown eyes bright with worry and annoyance.

“I don’t know when did this happened Shane, and I don’t understand why… all I want is for our little cookie to be happy.” She sighs, and sits by my side, “I just need to be sure that Aquaria and Kameron won’t hurt her again, our baby won’t make it alive out of that,”  and for the first time in our almost three decades together, I see how the years and its weight fall over Roberta’s shoulders, and how her eyes are cloudy with worriedness. Not needed to say I’m worried too.

“I know wha’ ya’ say Bob, Imma worried for our lil’ cookie too. I was here when she found Aquaria out the day Jasmine was born. I drowned a whole red wine bottle with her after that.” Bob cackles with that last affirmation, shaking her head half amused, half in disbelief. “Our lil’ cookie is tough Bob, and I guess her decision was the best option she found, as far as she didn’t want to be the one to choose between ‘em.” She sighs and reach to hold my hand, squeezing it briefly. Then she stands up and pull me up with her, it’s time to go to the Needles’ house.

I’ve crossed that street a million times in the last twenty five years, I remember when Sharon and Alaska just moved and Bob called me to help the thin woman that tried to move heavy furniture inside the house. I remember her heavily pregnant wife and how relieved she looked when she found out someone has been helping her wife. I’ve never felt like I was walking through the death row, waiting for an execution, mine, my daughter’s, her girlfriends’... all of us in one?

_ When I step in the door and I stare at your face _

_ There are so many things that I wish I could say _

_ Well I struggle with words but they put up a fight _

Alaska lets us in with a hug, with the familiar domesticity of our well known friend routine, and I wonder what’s her position in all of this tale, I wonder if I could find an ally in her when the moment comes, because I can see in Sharon’s eyes the same desperate fierceness that I saw in my wife’s gaze before leaving our home.

She’s almost as tall as I am, her long blonde hair braided falling down her right shoulder, she smiles at me. I know she understands me. I know Alaska is up to whatever makes Aquaria happy, exactly as I am up to anything that give my lil’ cookie the will to keep believing. We lock gazes for a second, and almost imperceptibly, she nods at me. It seems I’m not alone in what comes next.

We walk to their backyard, where Sharon is sitting, having a smoke with the cat purring in her lap. Luke lazily yawns and meows to Bob when he has her in his sight, and her smiles to the feline, scratching his ear, the kitten melting in bliss. Sharon lifts her face, smiling to us, both Bob and I leaning to kiss her cheeks. “It’s great to see you guys. Thanks for coming in such a short notice, but Laska and I wanted to talk to you before the girls come here.” Sharon sounds worried, as much as we are, but still, listening to her calling them girls, makes me shiver.

“Shar, they’re not kids anymore… as much as we all like to see them like that. Fact is both Aqua and Bri are close to 27 and my baby is 25 and married, on her way to her honeymoon.” Somehow, Sharon seems to sink on her chair, her usual rough facade shattered with her wife’s words. “Also, we are here to talk about how we feel about all these, and to let steam out before they come. We’ll need to be centered”, the three of us look at Alaska, as if she had grown long beard and the wisdom of an elder in less than five seconds.

Sharon sighs, taking Luke off her lap and putting him on the floor. The cat looks at her, offended and then runs into the garden, to find shelter in the shade of the fence. “It’s just... I can’t understand, how did this happened?” She says, standing from her chair, smashing the buttock of her cigarette on the ashtray with restrained fury. “A week ago, Aquaria was mourning losing Brianna, who had been far away for so long,” She lit another cigarette, taking a long drag from it, and then speaking while releasing the smoke “the following day she’s head over heels with that girl Kameron… I know she sounds like one of those sad stories that melt anybody’s heart, but I just can’t get when did all this mess happened”, she looks at us, looking smaller than before “not to say, that I can’t understand how did this Aquaria + Brianna + Kameron thing happened.”

“As much as I’d like to have an explanation, I understand exactly the same as you do, Sharon”, Bob’s voice cuts the brief silence. “Truth is both Shane and I are worried, we all know how it went the last time. We all know how hurt both Brianna and Aquaria ended after all that happened.” The three of us nod, and Bob reaches blindly, looking for my hand. “And now we have a third party that will also get hurt if these doesn’t work, and she doesn’t have a mother nor a father to rely on.”

Sharon gets back to her chair, and Alaska stands behind her, rubbing her shoulders to soothe her. “I know what you’re saying Bob, Aquaria and Brianna have their own bruises to heal, and it would be unfair if they hurt someone else in the process of healing, or even worse, they end hurting themselves either.” I know Alaska’s right, I know for a fact that failing this little experiment will almost literally kill her, and I don’t think that any of Aquaria or Kameron would go out off the mess untouched. “I’m as worried as you are guys, I can feel it all over us. Still we need to let them live, they deserve at least a chance to try and make it work.” 

“Ya’ right Lasky, they grown ass women now, as much as we kno’ wha’ used to make ’em happy, now they drive their own lives”, I say, getting a side look from my wife, and the weirdest expression from Sharon’s face. “I kno’ my lil’ cookie, she’s in love with ’em, madly in love and havin’ ‘em both means the end of her struggle to choose, or to force ‘em to choose who’s leavin’.” I take a deep breathe, starting to regret revealing that piece of information to those women; I look for Alaska’s eyes, and she nods to me again: she knew it too. “Guess we’ll ‘ve to wait to see wha’ they have to say. I can’t deny my girl my support pursuin’ ‘er happ’ness.” I close my argument, feeling a tad more confident.

“I’m with Shane.” Alaska says, and I close my eyes for a second, thanking her for support the right of the girls to look for her own way. “I mean, I’m just expecting for them to tell us what we need to hear”, Sharon and Bob look straight at her. “Which is they’re doing this out of love and not out of guilt or regret.”

Bob sighs loudly, then leans her forehead to the hand that’s not holding mine. “I guess you’re right. I just need to know they’re up to take care of each other.”

“And if they feel mature enough to understand that, if this doesn’t work, it’s not because they don’t love each other”, Sharon added, “but because if a relationship of two is complicated, a relationship of three, requires a titanic effort.”

We all nod in agreement, feeling relieved of letting our worries on the table, so we would be able to actually listen to them, and show them that they’re not alone. That they still can count on us.

_ And the harder you try and the longer you go _

_ Well there's nothing but love in those eyes any more _

_ You know what to say but you never know how _

_ You can keep your mouth shut because it doesn't really matter right now. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear  
> Everything is Permitted  
> Love is not real / Next time you stab me in the back  
> A kiss is a terrible thing to waste  
> Midnight at the lost and found  
> If it Rains  
> What about love?  
> Like a Rose  
> If It Ain't Broke, Break It  
> I’ll kill you if you don’t come back  
> Sailor to a Siren  
> One more kiss  
> It just won’t quit  
> Going All The Way Is Just The Start (A Song In 6 Movements)  
> I’d do anything for love (But I won’t do that)  
> If you really want to  
> Couldn’t have said it better  
> Prize Fight Lover  
> Let’s be in love  
> Original Sin


	18. With the longing and the nerving and its depth and its need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with yapping dogs, reasons to waste time, noon confessions and the epitome of parental scrutiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand, this is the first of the last three, won't make this long, I promise.
> 
> I just hope for you to enjoy the last part of this journey heading to the north and watching the landscape fade through the rear view mirror.

**With the longing and the nerving and its depth and its need - Chapter Seventeen**

_Aquaria PoV_

_You see, the funny thing about leaving town_

_You leave something you think you can't live without_

_Now we're heading north, but she's looking south_

  
We left Kameron’s place a few minutes before noon, Bri still wearing the gown from Nebraska’s wedding, the way to Brianna’s house was silent, all of us barely daring to say a word besides instructions to the driver. While we go through the streets of Cheyenne, I can see my former young self, first walking down the streets holding my mom’s hand, then as a young girl on the first school bus ride, and finally as the teenager I was when I left.

I can’t avoid thinking about what if I’ve done something different from the way I did, and I’m about to start with a heavy stream of ideas, when Brianna’s hand on my thigh brings me back to the moment. Thinking about the girl that I was, and the woman I am, I think I wouldn’t change a single thing, just because every moment led me to this. Every single decision, brought me back here and to them, and that’s something I’d never change.

“We’ll stop at my parents’, I can’t show at your mom’s wearing the same dress, also I’m itchy from wearing it”, Brianna talks softly to my ear, and I smile while nodding, anything that give us some more time before facing them is more than welcome.

Kameron is the last to hop off the cab, and when she reaches us at the door, Bob’s puppy runs full charge towards us. Kameron catches the dog who’s threatening to lick the makeup from her face “easy boy, if you keep your tongue off my face I’ll scratch your belly as much as you want.” She offers the little dog, who barks at her swinging his tail animatedly.

“Wait here girls, I’ll be down in a minute”, Bri says, running upstairs holding her heels in one hand, we hear her stumble in the middle and curse in pain. “I’m ok, I’m ok… I always manage to hit myself in this house.” We all laugh and then we hear her moving in her room.

I sit besides Kameron, who’s holding the puppy in her lap, scratching his belly, the little dog melted in pure bliss. “So… I guess your mom didn’t take it very well”, Kam says, turning her face to look at me and I sigh out of stress.

“Thing is, she was surprised, but she sounded mad. You know, the kind of voice that sounds calm but you know you’ll find a hell of a storm when you get home.” More than worried, I feel unsettled, mom has never shown that kind of behavior when it comes to anything that potentially can mean something good to me or Nebraska. “And right now they should be talking to Bob and Shane, I don’t really know what to expect from this reunion Kam, and I’m worried that they aren’t as happy as we are.” The mere admission of that single fact makes me shiver.

Kameron puts the little dog on the floor, and moves closer to wrap me in her arms. “I know what you mean, both Morgan and aunt Chad sounded like that when I called them, and right now I’m thankful of they being in the other side of the country, so they can’t add more tension to all these.” She rubs my back trying to soothe me, and there’s something really calming about the gesture. Now I get what Bri means while saying she feels safe around Kameron. “We’ll figure things out babe, if we keep clear what we want to do and what we expect, it will be easier for them to understand.”

I reach for her lips, a single and tender kiss that makes me feel like I will survive… like we all stand a chance. “Aqua, Kammy?” Brianna’s voice comes from the stairs, she looks at us puzzled, then she comes to us, sitting by my other side. “I know, I know… but we’ll be alright Aqua, they will understand”, Bri wraps her arms around my waist and leans her head on mine. “At least, Dad believes in us, he promised to keep mom at bay.”

We stay for a couple more minutes there, all cuddled in silence,  until Kameron kisses our foreheads. “Time to go girls, I have a good feeling about this.” She stands up, and take our hands to pull us up, then we leave the house, with Lester yapping on the other side of the door.

_She rests her head on these soft tail lights_

_Feel the world rushing under this bike_

_Hear the cold highway explode, in rubber and fire_

We cross the street holding hands, and break the contact only when I knock the door thrice. Being in my moms’ front door, knocking the door and waiting, makes me feel like I’m fourteen again, bringing some unpleasant news home. Momma lets us in, not before wrapping the three of us in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you girls, we’ve been waiting for you.” She smiles at us, the kind of motherly smile that makes you feel safe and sound. and I know, for sure, that she’s with us. She believes in us.

As we approach to the backyard, I can see mom’s smoking, and a loud laugh from Bob fills the air, they seem relaxed, but who can know for sure? Momma takes the chair besides mom, who turns her head to briefly kiss her. I wonder if sometime in the future, if we can make this work, we’ll be sharing something like these, a family moment where we are sitting with friends and our children are coming back home on a sunday noon. I hope with all my heart for that to happen.

Shane stands up the instant he sees us, surrounding with long steps the garden table and reaching to greet his daughter. Brianna melts on her father’s embrace, he kisses her forehead and then goes to greet me and then Kameron. His embrace is strong and protective, he’s silently telling us we can count on him. Mom and Bob are the next, receiving us with a quick air kiss and a brief hug, I can tell Sharon Needles is nervous, and Bob… she’s not giving anything to us, she’ll keep her words for the moment the discussion starts.

“Well… I hate being the party crasher, but I think we have something to talk about here, ladies.” Mom says, her voice deep and solemn. “I refuse to go on… some kind of tricky details, but speaking for the four of us, we want to know what, exactly happened for you to make this decision.” She smashes the buttock of her cigarette on the ashtray, looking to the three of us, taking her time to look me in the eyes at the end of her phrase.

“Mainly, what happened is we love each other too much, and we want to try to be together”, Kameron says out of the blue, both Brianna and I looking at her wide eyed. “It’s not a secret that we all have separate story, and you Mr. and Mrs. Cracker, know how your daughter feels about us. Now I want you to know for sure that Brianna means the world to me, and just like you, all I want is to make her happy.”

“Then, how is Aquaria related to all of these Kameron, excuse my rudeness, but as much as I see Brianna as another daughter, I’d like to be sure that you won’t break Aquaria’s heart”, Mom interjects, looking straight at Kameron with the same ice blue eyes she inherited to me. “You have my whole attention here.” She states, leaning her back on the chair and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Kameron smiles fondly to her, instinctively looking for one of my hands and one of Brianna’s. “Aquaria is an amazing piece of a woman. She’s sweet, kind and loving, and now I can see where did she got that from”, Mom’s features soften a bit. “Being totally honest, I’ve never expected for her to be a part of my story, but it happened, and the last few days were all the proof I needed to understand why is so hard to not think of her.”  I feel blushing creeping through my face, thinking of the last few days give me courage to admit that I can love two amazing women like them without any doubt. “Now that I know what having Aquaria Needles in my life is, the only thing I know for sure, is that I want her here now, and I’ll want her forever. That’s how Aquaria comes into the whole equation, because Brianna loves her, and I’m getting to love her too.”

“I can assure you Sharon, Kameron is the kind of woman that will always look forward to keep us safe and happy.” Bri’s voice takes me by surprise, she looks serious and in deep concentration. “I’ve known her for long enough to fall in love with her, I was her first girlfriend and she was mine. We had to be away for reasons foreign to us, but once we found each other for a second chance, we had the best time of a whole life.” Momma takes one of Mom’s hands, and Bob is looking at Brianna as if she was someone she was seeing for the first time. “I want that for me, and for Aquaria. I just want for us to have the happy ending we deserve. We all want to get it together.”

Bob leans forward, and sighs before speaking “I’m up to whatever makes you happy Brianna, and you know it very well; the time when you left to San Diego was the worst I’ve had, and you hear this from a woman that gave birth to four children”, she looks to her husband for a moment, and he smiles at her reassuringly. “Since your call a few hours ago, I barely had time to sink in all your father told me, and I can tell I’m worried, not just for you, but also for your partners. An adult relationship is complex, sharing your life with someone else is complex. When Shane and I started our life together, we had Jamin on the way, and we had tough times due to our interracial condition.” She says, her voice trembling with emotion. “I know you’re not pregnant or so, but a committed relationship of three will be the equivalent to Shane and me thirty years ago, or Sharon and Alaska’s twenty seven years back. World is a mean place and we know you’re adults, but we can’t help being worried of the world and what will be for you girls.”

_Whisper all your fears and your dreams to me_

_I can feel you here, I feel your scarred soul speak_

_With the longing and the nerving and its depth and its need_

I hear both Brianna and Kameron gasp, we didn’t want to talk about that, we haven’t faced the fact that now that for us is clear, the world might not be able to see it as we do. “We… I know it will be hard, but world’s changing, and as far as we are sure about our choices, we’ll be able to figure it out. By now, the only thing we want… we NEED is to know you’re with us.” I say, looking at them with a knot of fear shaping in my stomach. “So please… please, let us know this is not just our struggle, that we can rely on you all”, the plead in my voice is clear, and I know for sure that we all are hoping for their love and support.

“The fact that we are here, open to listen to you is the proof that we’re willing to support you, Aquaria”, Momma’s slurred voice takes me by surprise, “at least, I can say from me and from Shane, you can count on us.” she adds, now looking to Bob and Mom, waiting for them to talk by themselves.

“Imma one to support ya’ girls, I’ve been prayin’ for the time to come for my lil’ cookie to be happy”, Shane says, reaching to hold Brianna’s hand. “Ya’ve been havin’ a hell of a bad time losin’ this ladies, my bet goes for you to fight hand in hand for what ya’ found and want to build together.” He silently asks Sharon for a cigarette. I can’t remember if I’ve ever seen Shane Cracker smoking.

Mom sighs “just take care of my babies Kameron, this girls are a huge part of my life. I gave birth to Aquaria and I was there, holding Bob’s hand until Shane went with her to the labor room to deliver Brianna. Cracker’s children are mine tho.” A sweet smile spreads through my Mom’s face, and I hear Kameron saying thank you to her. Kameron was worried about my mom’s reaction, and knowing she’s supporting us means the world to her, so that means the world for me too.

“From what concerns to me, I have now one more daughter, Kameron Michaels.” Bob adds, smiling to her, with her bright white teeth on display, an image that had always been my favorite since I was a girl, because there’s nothing as sincere as one of Roberta Cracker’s smiles. “But same as Sharon, I will ask you for just one thing: please, take good care of our babies. They’re our little miracles, and we expect nothing but honesty and love for them.” The three of us visibly relax listening to her, that was all we needed and being sure that they are not against our decision is, for a fact, the best thing happening to us. Now we have a starting point.

“Now come’re ladies, I wanna hug my daughters!” The warmth of Shane’s embrace surround us, and he’s quickly joined by Bob, Mom and Momma. We are a family, an eccentric big loud one.

Not long after that, we’re talking about our plans, and the things we have decided. They listen to us, sometimes Mom made suggestions, and Bob asked some questions we haven’t considered yet. Brianna and Kameron answer giving no room for them to doubt, and Shane just laughs at the madness of listening to a big part of the women of his life bantering.

Later that night, we go back to the house in Syracuse, and the three of us fall exhausted on bed. “It wasn’t as bad as I expected”, Kameron says out of the blue. “I mean, I was ready for a war and it ended being just the most soothing moment I’ve had in a long time.”

“I was fearing my mom’s reaction, she worries about my siblings and I as if we still were troubled teenagers without an idea of the world”, Bri says blushing from embarrassment. “Still I think that having their blessing makes me feel at ease, you know how much my family means to me… what our family means to me.”

I lift my head in one arm to look at the both of them, a warm feeling spreading through my chest. “it feels good, you know?” I say, resting my other hand on the covers. “I like how it sounds, that ‘our family’ thing, I could get used to that.” We all laugh, and then manage to cuddle together until we all are fast asleep.

_Ain't much that's mine, but these boots and this time_

_Maybe I'll take you right out of here_

_Baby, I'll take you right out of here_

_I'm a prize fight lover, soul auctioneer._


	19. And say maybe our hearts could heal or break, this could go either way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with morning visions, future promises and unexpected farewells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's just an epilogue after this chapter, and I still want to thank you all for keep reading, I hope you like how this comes to an end.

**And say maybe our hearts could heal or break, this could go either way - Chapter Eighteen**

_Kameron PoV_

_Now come on over here_

_Let's be in love tonight_

_God knows what we'll be by the morning light_

I wake up early in the morning, both Aquaria and Brianna are sleeping spreaded on the bed, I start doing my packing trying not to wake them up. Seeing them sleeping, makes me wonder if it will always be like these, if we will be so in love in the future, for me, the answer is clear: I will always be in love with them, with the three of us together.

I’m in the shower when I hear them coming to life, Brianna groans to the morning light that Aquaria let in opening the blinds. “Good morning Kam!”, her chirpy voice making clear she’s more awake than Brianna and I together. “You should’ve wake us up, I wanted to help you packing babe.” She pouts through the crystal of the shower and I laugh, turning off the water and pulling my robe to get out.

“You were so peaceful, I didn’t have the gut to break your rest.” Aquaria pouts even more, and I melt to her sad doll face. I go towards her and kiss her on the lips. “Good morning beauty, you look prettier if you smile”, I cup her cheek, running my thumb over her lips, making her smile in the process. “Is Bri up already?”, I ask stretching my neck to look back in the room.

“I am, and not by my own will”, she answers, stepping out of the bed and looking half sleepy, half disappointed. “What time is it now?”, she asks, bending to reach her phone to look at the clock. “Holy shit! It’s past ten! and I still need to pack my things at home”, she hurries to the bathroom “move ladies I need to shower, and you can join me if you promise to behave Aquaria.” We both laugh, and I leave them to shower, while I finish getting ready.

“We still have half an hour here, then we’ll need to hurry, otherwise, we’ll have to eat at the airport!” I yell at them, and they mumble ininteligible words, I close the door. Taking one last look to my childhood bedroom makes me nostalgic, I thought this trip was going to be something totally different, and even that everything changed, it had been for good. I take my time getting ready, and finish packing what I’ve used when the girls came out from the bathroom.

“We won’t take long Kammy, are you done packing?” Bri asks, still shaking her hair on a towel to dry. Aquaria throws her towel on the now vacant chair, and starts rubbing lotion on her naked body, my mouth dries to the sight and Brianna gets distracted by her. “Aqua, honey… if you keep doing that, I’ll have to eat you up, and we have no time.” Aquaria winks at her, openly provocative, and I sigh loudly at the idea of Bri’s head between her thighs.

“Alright you two, get dressed while I take my luggage down, you have ten minutes, then I’ll drag you out of here however you are.” Even though the idea is so tempting, Bri is right: we have no time to waste, and I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time when we get back to New York. “Hurry up ladies!” I usher them taking my luggage and going downstairs.

I’m giving one last check to our boarding passes on my phone when they come down, laughing playfully, soon Aquaria is sliding her hands on my waist, and Brianna at my side, kissing my cheek. “Eight minutes baby, are we good or what?”, she says to my ear, making me quiver, I turn to give her a peck on the lips.

“Well done my loves, let’s go, to do your packing and to get Aqua’s luggage too.” Aquaria is the first to leave the house, taking my luggage to the car. Then Brianna leaves, taking the trash bag with her. Finally I step out the now empty house. There’s a lot of memories that I’m leaving here and this is the last time ever that I close this door. My father’s deep laugh comes to my memory, also does the warm feeling of my mother’s embrace. Now I know, it doesn’t matter how bad things turned out, it doesn’t matter that our little family is broken, what actually matters is, that no matter another family will live here soon; this will always be my home.

_Let's be the flesh and the sweat on the sheets_

_Let's fill the darkness with passion and grace_

_Let's leave a mark that will never erase_

Once we’re in the car, Aquaria starts driving. I can’t help feeling like the sixteen year old girl that left in the middle of the night so many years ago, what’s different this time, is that I feel hope and happiness while the orange house gets smaller while the car moves away. Aquaria is looking at me through the rear view mirror, a question showing on her ice blue eyes. The question that she doesn’t dare to ask, but Brianna does. “Everything ok, Kammy?”

I nod silently, suddenly overwhelmed by the power of the moment. “I… think I am”, I say doubtful. “It’s just, I never expected for this trip to end like these. I just want you to know girls, I love you and I’m ready to start a life with you.” Aquaria smiles, mouthing an ‘I love you too’, and Bri turns her face to say it out loud too.

We reach Brianna’s parents house sooner than I expected, and we hop off the car. Bob is waiting for us at the front door and holding Lester who’s happily yapping and wagging his tail. “I was about to call you girls, it’s late and Brianna has a mess upstairs. Did you have something for breakfast already?”, she manages to say while greeting and kissing the three of us, ushering us in.

Bob cook for us while we help Bri to finish her packing, and it was actually as messy as her mother said before. A soft smell of bacon and toast fills the whole house when we go downstairs. Shane is already pouring coffee cups for the five of us. “C’me on girls, s’gettin’ late you’ll have to hurry”, he says, with a smile, we sit at his left, while Bob is serving plates of fresh made omelettes.

“I know it’s not as good as Bri’s food, but this will keep you up until you get to New York.” Her smile is sincere and has all her white teeth on display. My heart warms realizing that Brianna has the exact same smile as her mother’s. There were so many things I’ve never had the chance to notice and now I’m grateful of being able to share this simple domestic moments, it makes me feel at home.

We’re half done with breakfast when the doorbell rings, Shane goes to open the door and a few seconds later, he’s coming back with Alaska and Sharon, both of them pulling Aquaria’s luggage with them. “Good morning everybody!” Alaska speaks cheerfully, still slurring her words in the process. They put the luggage besides a couch and go to the table to greet Bob, then to hug their daughter and kiss Brianna’s and my own cheeks.

Sharon sits besides Bob, who’s handing her a cup of coffee, Sharon thanks her silently, holding her hand and the cup between her own. “Bob called us to say you arrived, we wanted to save you some time bringing Aquaria’s luggage here”, Sharon’s words are calm and Alaska teases her poking her in the ribs. “Hey Lasky!” Shane laughs looking at Sharon’s offended expression. “We want to go with you to the airport girls, we’re not seeing you before Christmas, so we expect to spend some more time with you”.

“That’s great”, I say putting down my fork. “I know  both Bri and Aqua will miss you all, and I think I’ll miss you too” my face blushing with those words, making them laugh a bit.

“You’re the shy one, aren’t you?” Alaska asks to me, and I nod. “Well, you better learn to have us all around, we are kind of bear parents and we’ll checking on you three.”  She smiles at me, and I hear Aquaria hiss and Brianna laugh.

“Momma, I love you insanely, but I’ll need some space with my ladies”, she says, mocking her mother with her words. Alaska fakes an outraged expression and Sharon affectedly wrap her shoulders with one arm. “I know… I know… manners, right Mom?” Aquaria pouts and Sharon laughs looking at her daughter.

“Don’t worry Sharon, I’ll make sure Aquaria doesn’t miss your calls” Brianna mocks and gets a poke on the ribs by our girlfriend. “Ouch! Aqua, that hurts.” Aquaria throws a raspberry to her, just to lean on my shoulder after that. “Alright miss thing, no icecream for you until we get to JFK.” Both their parents laugh and then we finish our breakfast. I help Bob to take the dishes and cutlery to the kitchen and all the others start taking Bri’s and Aqua’s luggage to the car.

Not long after that, we spare between Shane’s and Aquaria’s car, driving to the airport between short conversations and an empty highway. From my spot in the backseat, I can see the reflection of Shane’s car behind us in the rear view mirror, they seem to be laughing and having some fun. I think this is what having a family really means, I know aunt Chad and Morgan will fit very well in all of these.

_God knows what we'll be by the morning light_

_Now come on over here_

_Let's be in love tonight_

  
We arrived to the airport with enough time to register our luggage and have some time for the farewells. “Well… I think it’s time for us to leave”, I say to my parents in law, they look at us, their faces indecipherable. “Thank you… for everything Sharon, Alaska, Shane, Bob. I’ll take care of them, I promise.” Alaska takes a few steps towards me, and opens her long arms to hug me, I let myself melt on that embrace, that’s soon joined by Sharon, Shane and Bob. They all say they know I’ll take care of their daughters, and that I’m a part of their family too.

Then they  start doing the same with their daughters, half crying, half laughing and telling us they hope we travel safe and make our way home soon. We are about to go through the checking point when an agitated voice calls my name. “Kameron!”, I turn my head to look at my mother walking hurriedly to our little group followed on her tracks by a middle aged man with a gentle face. “Oh God! I thought I wouldn’t make it.” I walk to my mother without a word, and I hear Sharon and Shane following me a few steps back.

“Mother… what are you doing here?” I ask, still in disbelief of her being at the airport. “I mean, thanks for coming, but how did you know I was leaving today?” She looks at me, and doubtfully reaches to take my hands.

“Kameron I’m so sorry, I know I’ve been the worst mother and that I have no right to say a thing”, she says, tripping on her own words. “I just… I wanted you to know I’m sorry and that I want to be a part of your life” those last words are barely a whisper. “Please Kameron, forgive me… for everything I’ve done, forgive my stupidity and my lack of understanding.”  Her plea takes me by surprise, and I don’t know what to say.

She leans to hug me, and I hug her back. I’ve missed my mother’s touch for a long time, and even when I don’t know what to think, I still crave her closeness. At last, she’ll always be my mother. “I… mom, we barely have time to go through the checkpoint.” I say to her ear, and I hear her breathe hitching. “We need to talk.” I say, making some distance to look at her eyes, she’s on the verge of crying. “I’ll call you as soon as I get home, and then we’ll can sort a way to have this conversation.”

Mom nods and I wipe a tear falling down her right eye. “I’ll wait for that call Kameron. I will”, she says, a half smile on her face, as if the mere possibility of that conversation gave her a little hope.

“Is everything ok, Kameron?” Sharon’s strong voice snaps me out of my mother’s face. “The first call for your flight has been made, darling.” She says and I turn my head to look at her.

“Thank you Sharon, this is Katlyn Michaels, my mother”, both Sharon and Shane open their eyes wide, then I low down my hand, looking for my mom’s hand. “Mom, they’re Sharon Needles, mom of my girlfriend Aquaria, and Shane Cracker, father of my girlfriend Brianna.” Mom looks confused and Shane puts a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you ma’am, but the girls have a plane to catch and it’s getting late”, he says, fighting back his accent for the first time since I’ve met him.

Sharon’s face hardens looking at her. “We’ll answer your questions Katlyn, but this ladies have to leave right now, otherwise they’ll lose their flight.” Her voice is calm, but I can see the storm in her ice blue eyes. We all walk back to the group and finish our farewells, Brianna greets my mother coldly, recognizing my mother instantly, even tho she looks clearly older, the resemblance between us is uncanny.

We go through the checkpoint, barely making it on time to board. “What was your mother doing here Kam?”, Aquaria asks once we’re sat on our places, her eyes full of concern.

“She wants to come back to my life… she apologized and I know she regrets everything that happened back then.” Aquaria gasps and Brianna instinctively holds my hand.

“A little late for that”, Brianna’s voice sounds hard and cold. “She gets rid of you and ten years later she’s sorry of throwing you away like garbage? I’m sorry Kammy, I know how much you missed your mom along this years, but I can’t help being mad at her”, she sighs, then leans her head on my shoulder. “She hurt you so bad, and she managed to hurt me too in the process.”

Aquaria joins holding our hands in hers. “Guess she regrets losing the time when you became this wonderful woman.” Her lips kiss my left cheek, and I can’t help smiling. “Still, I think she’ll need more than ‘I’m sorry” to get a space in your life again.”

“I longed so much to hear her say those words, now I’m not sure if I want her back.” They both look at me, clearly surprised of hearing that. “Katlyn will always be my mother, that’s something I can’t change, but right now my life is so different and so wonderful. I’m not sure if I have the will and the time to live with her beliefs.” I sigh, tired. they both squeeze my hand.

“Just think about it Kammy, and whatever decision you make, we’ll be here for you.” Aquaria hums in agreement, and in that moment the plane starts moving and we are on our way back home.

_Let's be in love tonight_

_Time life is just time_

_Leaves on a vine_

_Pasted or wasted away_


	20. Epilogue - When the stars are out of sight and the moon is down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with yelling friends, life changing decissions and baby kittens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is it, we're finally in the Epilogue of this rollercoaster, and I feel blessed of knowing all of you came with us in this twenty story adventure called Craquameron, that came out of my mind one evening when I finally felt tired of crying and started writing once again.
> 
> Thank you again and I hope you enjoy the final chapter, and don't forget to tell me what you think about it, you really give me life with each comment.

**When the stars are out of sight and the moon is down - Epilogue**

_ Brianna’s PoV _

_ And since I've done all the old ones 'till they've all been done in _

_ Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind _

_ Endlessly searching for an original sin _

A bit more than three hours, we’re landing, a bright sunny day in our dear New York, that’s buzzing with life and a way too crowded JFK Airport. Aquaria lazily yawns in the way to the conveyors, “come on sleepy head, we’re close to home, then you’ll sleep as much as you want”, I say to her, and she just looks at me as if I was speaking chinese. “Come on hun, just a little bit more.” She leans her head over my shoulder for a moment and Kameron wraps our waists with her arms.

“Band three and we’ll be out ladies. We’re back home!” Kammy says, and the three of us laugh. We take our luggage and head out the airport, as always it’s messy and crowded, our Uber takes more than ten minutes to arrive because of the traffic, and we stand under the sun, Aquaria trying to hide from the burning light, Kameron and I teasing her about it.

The way to our places takes its sweet time, and we keep talking, this time checking on our schedules to plan a night out. Right now we want to see how this turns out, maybe taking it a little bit slower than we did back in Cheyenne, coming to the realization that we have a lot of time ahead is refreshing, and the three of us know we’ll need to work as a team if we want to make our relationship work.

Kameron is the first to get home, she kisses each of us soft and brief, asking then for us to send a message when we get home. We see her walking to her building, she turns once more, smiling to us and waving her goodbyes, the car gets in motion before we see her get in. Aquaria holds my hand sighing, she looks like she’s going to say something, but it doesn’t come out at last. Leaning her head on my shoulder she says “We’re lucky… I mean, we have each other now.” I nod in agreement, and turn my face lightly to kiss her forehead.

After leaving Aquaria in her place, the driver looks at me through the rear view mirror, judgmentally arching a brow, I smile at him with my best  _ ‘fuck your nose off of us’ _ glare. Then look at my phone screen, starting to reply all the unseen messages I have there. Soon, I’m dropped by my building door and the driver leaves as fast as he can. I bet he will be talking about us when he gets home after his workday.

_ I've been looking for the ultimate crime _

_ Infinite victims, infinitesimal time _

_ And I'm so very guilty for no reason or rhyme _

I keep writing messages to my dear friend Vanessa, she’s been worried about all the process of my visit to Cheyenne, and for sure, she’s pissed that i’ve spent the last four days in radio silence. When the elevator dings reaching my floor, I slid the phone in my pocket and walk carrying my luggage to my door.

There’s a pile of unopened mail on my counter when I close the door of my apartment, I sigh to the idea of looking at it. It can wait. I walk to my room and fall straight on my bed, face buried on the pillows while I blatantly ignore the buzzing of my phone. I’m wondering when will be the time to bring my girls to my home, and suddenly feel anxious about how we will make this work for the three of us. My head spinning violently on the idea when the phone buzzes regularly, I’ll have to take the call. “Hey Vanjie! how are you?”

“Bitch, you have no fucking reason to ignore my messages”, Vanessa yells to the phone. “I demand an explanation, and better for you to start now, or I’ll go to bugger you face to face.”

“Alright, alright… there’s no need to yell, I can hear you perfectly”, I say, putting the phone away from my ear. “I just got home bitch, gimme a break” I ask, starting to laugh.

“Well, you have a lot to tell, the last you said was you were going to Aquaria’s sister wedding and then nothing, radio silence. You can’t say you’re going to see Aquaria after your disappearance and then keep the things to yourself.” Now her tone is more curious than pissed. “What happened at the wedding?”

I sigh, remembering the moment I saw Kameron at the church. “Aquaria was there with no other than Kameron” I answer, sounding a little more bitter than I expected. “Then they kissed old hollywood movie style on the dancefloor and I’ve lost it girl, like… lost it big time.”

We spend the following hour and a half going on every single detail of that night, and I can’t help laughing when I hear Vanessa gasping when I told her about what they’ve proposed to me. For the first time in the almost three years I’ve known Vanessa Mateo, she’s speechless, even more when I tell her that I accepted to be in a throuple with them.

She cackled when I got to the part of the parental meeting, and she was recreating my mom’s angry voice with eerie precision. When she finally managed to control her laugh, and with what meant to be a most serious tone, she asked “so, you are telling me you are now in a relationship with the both of them?”

I nod to the phone, and then say “I think so, like, I’m still sinking on the idea…” I sigh, and look through my window, the purples and reds of the sunset taking over the big apple. “I’m not sure how we will make it work, but what I can say, is I’m so happy that I’m afraid to sleep and not waking up.”

“Never say that again bitch, I need my best friend now, and I’ll need my best friend for at least the following century.” Vanessa sounds death serious, and I know she’s worried, but she will be by my side wherever all this crazy adventure takes me. “I’m happy to know you’re happy girl, but aside of this adrenaline rush, how do you feel?”

I take a little time to answer that, but I know it’s the truth. “I’m in love Vanjie, so much in love and I can’t wait for you to meet them. I’m sure you’ll love them too.”

The call comes to an end with us agreeing to have a coffee the following day, she doesn’t seem convinced, but I’m sure she’ll get me her perspective the moment we find a table and have a chance to talk.  I take a shower and then empty the luggage getting ready for the following day. I’m about to call to order dinner when my phone buzzes again. Kameron is sending a picture of her at an animal shelter, and introducing Aquaria and I to Cheyenne, the kitten she just adopted. The little furball yawning on her left arm. 

Aquaria sends a voice message saying “Cheyenne? really? why did you do such a horrible thing to the baby?” 

I laugh and record a message, “I have to agree with Aquaria, why did you gave him that horrendous name?”

“Because he’s the second step for a new start, and he will always remind me of you when you’re not around, my loves” Kameron answers, and I feel my heart melting. 

Aquaria and I send a long appreciative message to her words, followed by a detailed list of what the kitten will need and a bunch of recommendations from Aquaria and her vast experience on cat breeding. Then we all say good night.

Thinking about the last four days, and how my… our lives have changed, gives me hope on the future, on a future where we are together, and happy. A future where the past injuries are no longer important; a future where love is what matters and I’m sure, for the first time, that I’ve made the right decision.

_ It's not enough to make the nightmares go away _

_ It's not enough to make the tears run dry _

_ It's not enough to live a little better every day _

It’s been a year and a half since we boarded that airplane to New York from Wyoming, and I can tell things were moving faster. The first months were complicated, as far as we were located in three very different points of the city, and our schedules were madness. Aquaria resented the little time both Kameron and I had by the time she was taking a breathe from the released collection of the following spring. Kameron resented the lack of time her work gave her and I… well, Vanjie and I just decided to start our own business, so the bakery was taking most of my time.

On Thanksgiving my parents, Sharon and Alaska visited us, and I bet Sharon was about to rip our guts off when she saw how sad Aquaria was. Thankfully Mom helped a lot on the process of her understanding that our lives were getting more complicated, not just because of us adjusting to our relationship, but because we were growing on our own fields.  

By Christmas we decided it was the time to think of moving in together. Kameron was done with the neverending rambling whenever the schedules didn’t match, and Aquaria was done with attempting to balance the free time, the commuting and the fact that the indie atelier she was working for was bought by a bigger brand. To be honest, I was done too with all the drama and the nights I’ve spent rolling on an empty bed, craving the warmth of their bodies with me. Most of all, we were done with being apart, things were starting to work for the three of us, we didn’t want to let our jobs to become a stopper, more than a way of living.

The first week of the spring, we moved together to a little place in Brooklyn, comfortable enough for three adults and close enough to our jobs. The apartment was big enough for the three of us, each one having a proper space to do our own business, and a good common space for the life we were starting to share. Kameron made sure the spaces were good and comfortable, while Aquaria busied herself on making it a perfect balance between the three of us. Cheyenne was the happiest cat with the moving, as far as he found thrilling to explore every single box we managed to empty.

For our first anniversary, we spent the night in a romantic dinner that Kameron prepared for the occasion. Aquaria designed and supervised the creation of three rings, they looked like a wedding band but were decorated with the birthstones of each of us and engraved with our names. She wanted to make our commitment official, as far as we won’t be able to get married, we can, at least pretend to be. My anniversary gift, was a scrap photo album made by myself, with pictures of us. Sharon, Alaska, Mom, Dad, Nebraska, my siblings, Chad, Morgan and even Katlyn shared those memories to document our story, it also had empty pages at the end for us to fill over the years to come.

As every other couple, we’ve had good and bad times, also moments when we questioned if this is what we really wanted. By now, we’re doing well, creating a world for us, going step by step, going day by day. I still feel lucky to have them both in my life, and as long as it lasts, I can tell that I’m having the happy life I’ve always dreamt about. We are having the happy lives we always wanted to have.

 

_ I've been looking for an original sin _

_ One with a twist and a bit of a spin _

_ And since I've done all the old ones 'till they've all been done in _

_ Now I'm just looking, then I'm gone with the wind _

_ Endlessly searching for an original sin. _

**Author's Note:**

> My most sincere thank you to Artificial Eevee, Hadley and MissyintheDesert, that had been helping to make this little monster a friendly reading.
> 
> Also a very special thank you to Luisarmander, whose genius gave life to one of the secondary characters that I like the most.


End file.
